When you're in love, you love spending time with your partner. Particularly at the beginning, it can be easy to feel like your new relationship, and most importantly, your partner, take priority over all other things in your life. As a result, you likely fall out of your normal "alone time" routines — going to the gym, cooking for yourself, reaching out to friends, cleaning your house.
But at a certain point — and the question of when really varies, depending on the person — you will find you will want to recreate alone time for yourself. This can be hard, though — either because you love spending time with your partner so much that you deprioritize your desire to exercise or organize your personal life. Or because you fear that communicating your need for alone time to your partner will come across the wrong way and hurt his/her feelings. Though it's not like you're trying to avoid the person you love so much! The key here is communication.
Both my wife and I are introverted, so we need to spend quiet alone time to recharge ourselves. Though in the past, we didn't always communicate our needs so well. I didn't want to come across the wrong way, and I also wasn't secure enough in the relationship. I had (and continue have) a lot of fun with her, so I rationalized my choice not to communicate my need for alone time by reminding myself of how happy I was with her. But most of all, I didn't want to hurt her feelings.
Dating and being in (healthy) relationships are both practices that require work, and it's important to remember that. Whether you're beginning to date someone, working out the kinks in your long-term relationship, or eventually moving in together, both partners need to be aware of the importance of communication.
When people sublimate feelings they need to communicate, they will also likely come across as aloof, evasive, resentful, distracted. As a result, questions like, Does this person actually enjoy my company? or Is he acting kind of distant? can permeate your mind.
Sometimes we then verbalize these thoughts to our partners in moments of insecurity and because of it, the other person is much less likely to communicate the real reason they seem distant. And so the cycle continues ...
But, it doesn't have to! Here are three ways you can communicate your need for alone time AND improve your relationship:
1. Communicate why the relationship will improve if you create the space for alone time.
Here are two different ways of communicating your need for alone time, said in totally different ways: