The Longevity Threat Hiding in Your Social Circle, Study Finds
You know that one friend who always leaves you feeling a little drained? The family member who criticizes you “for your own good”? The coworker who always seems to add friction to your day?
They might be doing more than just messing with your mood.
A new study reveals that these so-called “hasslers,” people who stress us out, cause conflict, or create emotional strain, may actually be accelerating our biological aging.
And it’s not just the obviously toxic people who take a toll: relationships that feel emotionally mixed (supportive one day, stressful the next) seem to have the strongest negative impact on how fast we age, down to the cellular level.
This new research offers an important, if uncomfortable, reminder: It’s not just loneliness that affects your health. Difficult or emotionally draining relationships, especially with people close to us, can quietly speed up aging and weaken the body’s resilience.
A closer look at the study
Researchers analyzed data from over 2,200 adults, using advanced biological aging tools called DNA methylation clocks. These “epigenetic clocks” don’t just estimate your age; they measure how fast your body is actually aging, based on changes in gene expression tied to stress, inflammation, and disease risk.
Participants completed an in-depth survey mapping their social networks, identifying people they felt were either supportive, stressful, or both. If someone “caused problems, hassles, or made life difficult,” they were categorized as a “hassler.”
Interestingly, about 60% of participants had at least one hassler in their social network. On average, one in four people in a person’s circle fell into this category.
How relationships affect your longevity
People with more “hasslers” in their network showed clear signs of accelerated biological aging, even after adjusting for other lifestyle factors. But it gets more interesting: Relationships that were both supportive and stressful (what scientists call “ambivalent ties”) had an even stronger association with faster aging than those that were purely negative.
In other words, the people you feel emotionally conflicted about might have a deeper physiological impact than those you outright dislike or avoid.
And the effects went beyond the aging clocks. Individuals with more hasslers also reported worse overall health, higher rates of depression and anxiety, increased inflammation, and more physical health conditions like obesity, cardiovascular disease, and metabolic issues.
This study reinforces the idea that repeated exposure to social conflict may chronically activate the body’s stress response, wearing down resilience over time.
That constant wear and tear (also known as allostatic load) can dysregulate hormones, increase inflammation, and accelerate aging across multiple systems.
So, what can you actually do about it?
It’s not realistic, or even always healthy, to cut off every difficult person in your life. Family members, longtime friends, coworkers, and partners may all come with complexity. But this study points to a few takeaways that could help buffer the biological toll of stressful ties:
- Audit your inner circle: Pay close attention to how you feel after interactions. If you consistently leave conversations feeling anxious, drained, or criticized, that’s worth acknowledging.
- Don’t ignore ambivalence: Just because someone sometimes offers support doesn’t mean the relationship is harmless. Mixed signals, feeling cared for one moment, then torn down the next, can create more stress than consistent negativity.
- Set better boundaries: You don’t owe everyone access to your time. It’s OK to back away from relationships that repeatedly take more than they give.
- Practice emotional regulation: Mindfulness, breathwork, and journaling can help you respond more calmly in triggering social situations, reducing the impact on your body.
- Strengthen the good ties: Positive, emotionally safe relationships may buffer the effects of stress. Prioritize time with people who help you feel seen, safe, and restored.
The takeaway
It turns out, not all social connections are protective, and some may be quietly speeding up your biological clock. This study is a powerful reminder that your relationships don’t just shape your emotional landscape. They shape your health, your stress load, and potentially even how long (and how well) you live.