One of the major causes of relationship problems—perhaps the biggest—is judgment. By that I mean self-judgment as well as judgment of others. Self-judgment is a common form of self-abandonment. When we judge ourselves, we generally judge others, and vice versa.
The programmed part of us, our ego-wounded self, often believes that self-judgment and judgment of others motivate change. But if you actually examine the results of judgment, you will see that the opposite is true. When you judge yourself, you'll likely discover that it actually makes you feel anxious, depressed, guilty, or shamed. You won’t perform nearly as well as when you feel happy and peaceful and have a deep sense of self-worth.