How To Know If You're Surrendering Or Giving Up (And Why It Matters)

Occasionally we do need to walk away from a relationship, a career, a dream, or a geographical location forever. I often see this with clients in my practice as an intuitive, but more often than not, life asks us to surrender and put temporary space between ourselves and a person, situation, or goal. Surrender brings peace; leaves the door open for hope, change, and new perspectives; and actually helps usher abundance into our lives. Consider the following distinctions when you are questioning whether to give up or surrender:

When you throw up your hands in frustration with a creative project and throw away all your materials, it can leave you feeling dark, empty, or self-shaming. Surrendering might look like walking away from the project for a day, week, month—or even a whole year. Taking a break is always a relief. After you’ve given the project breathing room, you might look over your notes and know exactly how to proceed. Even if you do walk away from the project forever, surrender feels much less like failure and allows you to walk away gradually to better process the experience and your emotions.

Giving up feels intense and extreme because it is a black-and-white solution. Sometimes you’ve outgrown a person or situation, or the person or situation has become so toxic that you have to walk away forever. But most things in life exist in a gray area. If you have a friend or family member who has addiction issues but is not in recovery, you might surrender by distancing yourself from them while leaving the door open to change and hope. It’s amazing how dramatically people and situations can evolve with time.

Have you ever said something very cutting to a person you cared about in the heat of the moment and later regretted the comment? It’s best to wait until our emotions feel neutral before deciding whether to give up forever or temporarily surrender. If you have been questioning a relationship in your life, take a few weeks to mull the situation over calmly before taking action. I find with my clients that this gives the universe enough time to present people with helpful synchronicities that will inform their decision.

If there is a situation in your life in which you feel really stuck, the change you’re seeking might come only after surrendering. Sometimes it is only when we surrender to the fact that we might not get something that it actually floats into our lives. And if you don’t get what you want, surrendering allows room for something else, something wonderful, to enter in place of what you originally desired.

Most humans like action and don’t necessarily like to wait and be patient. So forcing a conclusion, like giving up, feels temporarily satisfying—but in the long run it can feel like a hollow victory. Giving up on dreams that have been dear to our hearts for a very long time is devastating. It may seem like a way to protect our hearts, but more often than not it leaves us feeling exhausted. Surrendering is an acknowledgment that we have limited power, which can encourage us to use our free will and power in more productive ways.

One way to approach surrender is to say, "Let’s look at this from a new angle." It may not be the object of your desire you need to give up, but the way you have gone about trying to acquire it. Surrendering always involves putting something on the back burner so you can re-evaluate not only your dreams but also your methods. You may not need a new dream, just a new way of seeking it.

When you give up on something, it’s like turning off a water faucet. You are telling yourself and the universe that you are no longer interested. It’s a powerful act of free will. But remember, if you give up on something you can always change your mind. I tell my clients that the universe gives us as many second chances as we need. The relaxed, flexible attitude of surrender encourages the universe to bring fresh opportunities, grace, and new people into your life.

If a couple had been trying to conceive naturally for years and then spent thousands of dollars on fertility treatments with no success, they might surrender their hope for conceiving a child. Surrendering could look like researching adoption options while continuing to do the "baby dance," as they call it on the mommy chat boards.

Want to learn more about the art of surrender? Check out this piece on how to conduct a surrender manifestation.