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How To Help Your Kid Feel More Confident Socializing When Heading Back-To-School
As the school year kicks off, many parents worry about how their kids are adjusting socially—especially if they’ve spent most of the summer glued to screens, gaming or scrolling. It’s easy to assume all that solo screen time signals shyness or poor social skills.
But Maggie C. Vaughan, LMFT, Ph.D., head of Youth Transformation at tapouts and founder of Happy Apple, says that assumption doesn’t tell the full story.
“Our kids are socializing,” Vaughan explains. “They’re just doing it differently. Today, much of their connection happens through social media or online gaming—sometimes with friends, sometimes with people they’ve never met in person.”
As kids head back into classrooms and IRL interactions, understanding their digital social habits can help parents support smoother transitions—and foster healthier connections both online and off.
Vaughan goes on to say, "I think what we're seeing is that kids are spending more time at home and in their bedrooms (on screens), so that can have the appearance of their socializing less, but I don't think that is actually the case."
The problem for most is that digital social skills don't always translate to real life, and when kids find themselves in a face-to-face situation, it can be a pretty big hurdle, mainly because they're not exercising those skills.
Vaughan notes, "Anything we don't do on a regular basis is going to cause anxiety, so the less kids engage in person with other kids, the more anxious, the more shy they will feel when they are face-to-face with other children. It's not that they lack the skills or the ability necessarily—they lack practice." She adds, "It's practice that gives kids confidence in social situations, and it's actual engagement that provides kids with the evidence that they're capable of socializing and connecting."
Confidence-building exercises for kids to prep for back-to-school
Ahead, Vaughan shares some confidence-building exercises to help your child conquer their shyness around others. Before you begin, however, she reminds parents that it may be uncomfortable for your child initially, but consistency is key.
"It's critical that kids stay in situations at least until any discomfort begins to dissipate—dissipating anxiety is a sign that your child is desensitizing," says Vaughan. "If you allow your child to avoid discomfort or leave uncomfortable situations, you'll inadvertently reinforce any fears they might have, and that fear will grow."
Engage your child in chores
"Have your child take responsibility for one or two chores that help keep your family afloat while emphasizing that every household member plays a part in supporting the family unit," says Vaughan. "Kids benefit from the sense of accomplishment chores provide and derive self-worth from playing a vital role on the family team."
Encourage assertiveness
Vaughan says, "Seeking your child's opinions and involving them in family decisions demonstrates that you value their ideas and input," so try to involve them as much as possible.
"When parents ask kids to weigh in regularly, children grow to believe that their perspectives matter and are likely to keep speaking up," she says.
Celebrate your child's uniqueness
"Differences often cause anxiety for kids, but when others take interest in them, they can become a source of pride," says Vaughan. "Rather than illuminating differences yourself, encourage your child to share with you and display an enjoyment of their distinct traits, talents, and interests."
Encourage independence
"Kids gain confidence in their abilities as they become more self-reliant—so push them to try out new, developmentally appropriate behaviors, she says. "Examples might include preparing simple meals, working independently on homework, and ordering their own meal at a restaurant."
Reward effort, including failures
"Kids whose parents reinforce hard work rather than specific outcomes experience greater enjoyment in their endeavors and resilience when efforts don't pan out," says Vaughan, whereas children with outcome-oriented parents often avoid difficult tasks due to fear they may disappoint themselves or others." So, be sure to reward the effort no matter the outcome.
The takeaway
If your child seems shy or disconnected as the school year begins, don’t rush to blame screens—or assume something is wrong. Today’s kids are socializing in new ways, but that doesn’t mean they don’t need real-life practice. With gentle encouragement and consistent exposure to in-person interactions, you can help your child build confidence, reduce social anxiety, and feel more comfortable connecting face-to-face. Like any skill, social ease grows with time, practice, and support.