Back-To-School Seasons Doesn't Have To Mean Stress: Here's How

In mindbodygreen's parenting column, Parenthetical, mbg parenting contributor, psychotherapist, and writer Lia Avellino explores the dynamic, enriching, yet often complicated journey into parenthood. In today's installment, Avellino explores back-to-school season. P.S. Read more of our anti-burnout guide to back-to-school session here.

Back to school is culturally synonymous with back to seriousness. As August comes around, the relaxed energy of spacious schedules, out of office replies, and long daylight hours, begins to shift energetically as we receive back to school emails, requests for medical forms, and notice the daylight hours are shortening.

Many of us feel the need to “gear up" and increase our productivity—we feel drawn to determine the pace of our lives based on the expectations others have for us, not what is best for us. 

We do this because we live in a culture that glorifies busyness. It has become a measure of importance, and so many of us play into it because we feel it helps increase our worth and social relevance if we are constantly doing. And yet this “back to business” mindset often increases our anxiety, and therefore our kids' anxiety. When we are anxious, we lose the ability to connect, and therefore to make the best choices for ourselves and our families. 

Remember that feelings are never the problem, they are transient states that will shift because that is their nature. It’s how we respond to those feelings that impact the quality of our experiences.

This is one of the most valuable things I’ve learned from psychotherapist and reverend Raymond Rodriguez, whom I consider my mentor.

Those of us that have learned to respond with immediacy and to meet the needs of others, no matter what our capacity or interests are, may have a tendency to react instead of triage the demands of our lives and respond in a more thoughtful way.

Check in with your daily capacity, determine how much you have in your tank, and make choices based on what’s true for you.

It can be helpful to notice patterns of automatic yeses.

New York Times bestselling auhtor Greg McKeown talks about the “slow yes and the quick no,” in his book Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less. If you notice you’re dishing out yeses, but that you’re feeling resentful (the indicator that you’ve gone past your limit) look at what beliefs may be driving your overfunctioning and ask yourself if these beliefs are true.

McKeowen reminds readers that underneath the question “am I doing enough?” is “am I enough if I am not doing?” Are you trying to prove your worth? Be perfect? Belong? What are the trade-offs when you seek this validation at the expense of your own peace? 

This is a principle I rely heavily on as a therapist. If we move through sessions quickly—we miss details, we pass over emotions, we neglect connection opportunities.

As we turn to school, it can helpful to remember that we have a full year ahead of ourselves, and that marathons require pacing.

Similarly, many runners are dedicated to the 80/20 method. Meaning that 80% of training should be easy and 20% should be hard.

According to Doctor of Chinese Medicine Doctor, Kate Reil, DACM, in the 5 Element system, the Fall is a season of “appreciating the beauty of what is, deep refinement and release.” It is known as a time of grief and sorrow, a time filled with “vast love” for what was.

If we don’t honor these slower, reflective periods, then we can’t truly reap the benefits of the brighter, more vibrant seasons in our lives. Psychology offers a similar approach to emotions: If we dull the negative emotions, we dull the positive ones as well. 

This feels important, because even if we are being called to speed up and gear up, the natural world around us is calling us to let go.

Leaning into the leaves falling off the trees, the days getting shorter, the colors getting deeper, creates room for more appreciation when the vibrancy inevitably returns.