I'm A Positive Psychiatrist: This Is My One Tip To Never Get Bored In Relationships

If you're in a long-term, committed relationship, chances are you know your partner super well. Like, I can finish their sentences well. This is not a bad thing—a stable, healthy relationship is one that's built on mutual understanding and trust. But according to positive psychiatrist Samantha Boardman, M.D., author of Everyday Vitality, this predictability can breed boredom, sometimes even resentment: "We have this almost conceit that we know exactly how they're going to behave in a given situation," she says on the mindbodygreen podcast.

She cites research from psychologist Ellen Langer, Ph.D., who studies mindfulness and marital satisfaction: "[Langer] says, 'Nobody has ever come to me after 50 years of marriage and said I'm bored of my dog, or I'm bored of my plant, or I'm bored of my kid,'" Boardman recounts.

But for some reason, we can feel "bored" with a long-term partner; according to Boardman (and Langer), that may be because we have an expectation of change for dogs, plants, children, etc. But for our partners? Eh, not so much. When you're incredibly close to somebody, you may think you know them inside and out—and maybe you do!—but this notion can sometimes close the door on the possibility for change.

"There's some beauty in accepting the 'unknowableness' of somebody and priming yourself to look for what's different about that person rather than retreating into, 'I know what they're going to do, I know the end of this movie,'" Boardman says. "Instead of looking for what you know, look for something that's different about them in some way."