How To Deal When Everything In Your Relationship Is Great—Except The Sex

Early on, we knew we'd always do things differently than the average couple and that our union, marriage, and relationship would be more about conscious relating and spiritual growth and less about following the rules set by society. Yet, we wanted the deep, passionate sex that everyone longs for. We continually asked ourselves: How do you make it work with a partner who may have different sexual needs than you when you know in your heart that they are your ideal match?

Eventually, we threw up our hands and, after almost ending our union several times, accepted things as they were. We decided that we'd rather have a life together with hit-and-miss sex than not be together at all. And then I met a tantra coach and everything changed.

I've always been a risk-taker and I'll do whatever it takes to be happy. So I signed up for a program with a local tantra and sexuality coach to learn more about my own body. I had learned a little about tantra in my yoga teacher training and I figured I'd start with connecting more to myself with hopes that it'd help my marriage.

If you're feeling stuck sexually or at your wit's end with your sexual connection in a relationship, I recommend working one-on-one with a tantra coach or sex educator. You may find there are many things you didn't know about sex coaching. Working with a tantric coach can be really helpful if you're processing the aftermath of an affair or you sense you have energetic blocks when trying to connect sexually with your partner. In addition, if the female orgasm seems like an impossibility, a tantra coach can help.

Orgasmic meditation (OM) is a practice that combines the power and attention of meditation, with the deeply human, transcendent experience of orgasm. I found this practice beneficial in reconnecting with my own body and hit the reset button on what it means, as a woman, to receive love and pleasure from a partner.

In addition to the above, my husband and I found books useful throughout our journey. They helped us expand our thinking about sexuality, conscious relationships, tantra, and what it means to be in a committed relationship or marriage in today's modern world. I recall many days when I felt so overwhelmed by all the change I was experiencing on the inside and felt alone.

It was during those times, when I didn't feel quite ready to talk to others, that I found comfort in books. The three books that affected us the most are The Future of Love by Daphne Rose Kingma, The Way of Superior Man by David Deida, and Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel. I've turned to each of these books as guides to help me stay open, vulnerable, and connected as I make new decisions and continue to forge a new path of love for myself, my husband, and our family.

At the end of the day, I truly feel that tantra coaching saved my marriage. Though at the time, while going through deep transformation and change, I was wrought with fear, anxiety, and mixed emotions, I've found a new way to connect and experience pleasure. I can now say that my husband and I are more loving, more sexual, and more connected than ever. We learned that we aren't broken or incompatible and that things are never hopeless if you're willing to be vulnerable, grow, and change. And most of all, most "issues" with sex are problems of the mind interfering with the body.