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Why Some People Stay Stuck & Others Change Their Lives

Amita Patel, LMSW
Licensed Social Worker By Amita Patel, LMSW
Licensed Social Worker
Amita Patel, LMSW, is the owner and founder of, a coaching services company that empowers individuals to achieve their goals and make them stick. She received master's degrees from New York University in both philanthropy and fundraising, and clinical and medical social work. Her unique, no-nonsense, holistic approach combines nutrition, physical activity, relationships, career, and personal philosophy. Patel has been featured on CBS, NBC, and the Huffington Post.

At some point or another in life, we've all felt stuck: we’re in one place and we’d like to be in another. Whether you'd like a new career, a different partner, or a warmer climate, we all fantasize about the possibilities of what life could be like ... if only things were different.

For most of us, the dream is where things end. For others, the dream makes them more unhappy about the current state of affairs, as they get caught up in ruminating, rather than making moves. And finally, for an even smaller group, the dream is what fuels them to create change.

So what makes some of us more inclined to wallow, while others seem to take action with way more motivation, and ease?

Those who take action are able to reframe the situation. They ask "how" instead of "why." Let me explain.

Sometimes, when we're pissed that things don’t look the way we want, we focus on the “why.”

  • Why am I not getting paid more?
  • Why isn’t my partner helping out around the house?
  • Why can’t my dog do anything like those dogs I see on YouTube?

It makes sense. Knowing “why” sounds like a great way to get to the underlying cause and then fix it. But, as anyone who’s spiraled into the vortex of “why” knows, it keeps you stuck. It focuses on blame. And it rarely changes anything.

So, I’d like to introduce you to a new alternative. It’s proactive. It’s tactical. It’s empowering.

It’s “how.”

  • How can I create opportunities to bring in more money?
  • How can I get my partner to help out around the house?
  • How can I train my dog to do more than eat my shoes and lick himself?

"How” gives us the ability to look at the role we play in creating our situation. Sure, I’d much rather blame everyone else, but that only gets me so far. Until you ask yourself “How have I created this situation?” you’re likely to remain in the same place.

How it works

Ultimately, whatever happens in your life, inside and out, is because you are generating it. It doesn’t happen on its own. And while there are exceptions, when you figure out HOW you are creating your life, you can change it.

For example, instead of analyzing why you are aren’t in a fulfilling relationship, ask yourself how you're co-creating a relationship that's not fulfilling?” While it’s likely unconscious, knowing how you're creating this situation is the key to changing it.

Once you actually see how you create your outcomes (not just intellectually, but actually have awareness) you'll be able to choose actions that create the results you desire.

So what's the outcome?

You change your behavior. You try something new. You let go of people, places, and things that no longer align with what you truly want. You create a life you love

Now here's my challenge to you:

Look at how you’ve contributed to the situation. Then, change what doesn’t work for you. Yes, it’s that simple.

Want to learn the keys to taking action? Click here to learn how to Triage Your To Do List, Conquer Fear & Take Action, and Create More Space for What You Love!

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