5 Keys To Making A Relationship Work With Busy Schedules

Counselor By Gia Ravazzotti
Gia Ravazzotti is a sex and relationships counselor based in Sydney, Asutralia. She has a master's degree in HIV, STIs, and Sexual Health from the University of Sydney.

Often, the mundane aspects of life get in the way of those aspects which we value highly. The mundane taking priority over the valuable seems paradoxical, and yet so many of us can relate. Whether it's because we take the things we value for granted or simply because stress gets in the way, consciously tuning into those aspects of our lives that we wish to cultivate can be a challenge. For many people, one of these aspects tends to be connecting with their partners.

It’s not as if we want to feel disconnected to our partner on a particularly busy week of work. It’s just that sometimes our stress and responsibilities get in the way, and distract us from our desire to be more mindful and present in other areas of life — including in our relationships. The concern here is not that stress will make us distracted from time to time, but that it may become a habit.

And like with all precious things in life, sometimes we have to work to preserve them. The same way we might make the effort to keep a nice watch in a special pouch or box, we must make an effort to treat the aspects of our life that we especially value with intentionality, tenderness and care. In other words, we must make the conscious choice to maintain a strong sense of connection and interest in our partners. Here are a few simple ways to do so, especially during the busy times.

1. Carve out sufficient time for connection.

When things are busy, it’s easy to feel like it’s impossible to make time for anything else besides the things we "have to do." But the reality is that even during these times, most of us still make time for things like social media and television, even if it's unintentional. So we can be more intentional with our free minutes, and consciously make time for our partners.

Although things like mindlessly checking Facebook or watching silly TV shows might feel like they relax us, taking five minutes to have a catch up with your partner will go a much longer way in terms of overall well-being. So set aside time to check in with each other. It will help you continue feeling connected, even if the feeling of connection coexists with overwhelm.


2. Send mindful text messages.

You know that feeling when you are going about your day and suddenly you remember and miss your beloved? Well, rather than wait until you see them again, let them know in a text. It doesn’t have to be Shakespearean prose, or an especially heavy message. Just send a simple smoke signal — something like, “Miss you!" or "Thinking of you!" These kinds of messages will let your partner know that you feel connected to them, even if you are stuck at the office.

3. Channel loving energy.

What if you're literally bouncing from meeting to meeting, or are traveling for work? You may feel like there's not a second to spare, even if you want to be cultivating a deeper connection with your partner. Well, even when there isn’t time to send a text, there's always time to send some loving vibes in your partner's direction. Sure, your partner may or may not feel it, but you certainly will feel energetically more connected.

4. Show affection with something tangible.

If you feel as if you and your partner are constantly missing each other due to mismatched schedules, or general busyness, do something concrete that will let them know you are thinking of them. A small gesture such as leaving a cup of tea by their bedside before you leave in the morning, or leaving a little note on their pillow in the evening, will make your partner feel loved and special, even if you aren’t able to spend much time together.


5. Remember the power of praise.

Whether you tell them or someone else something you admire about your beloved, it will enhance your feelings toward them. It also may give you permission to say those things to them when you do see them next. Getting in touch with your gratitude and respect for your partner may elicit a feeling of tenderness when you are together. There is a lot to be said for our energetic interactions, and infusing your togetherness with feelings of love will make a big difference.

Making these simple gestures toward one another is often a breeding ground for more. Letting them know that you are still thinking of them, and appreciating them will deepen your connection and let you both know that even though there may not be very much time, you still mean the world to one another.

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