Past Lives, Soul Mates & Twin Flames: The Spiritual Root Of Your Relationships

Photo: @chrissiewhite

As a psychic intuitive, I often receive questions from clients about their love lives—past, present, and future. Was it fate that I met this person? Is the guy I broke up with last year and can’t stop thinking about really my soul mate? Was I actually destined to be with my boyfriend’s friend, and I chose the wrong guy from the start? Why do I feel such chemistry with this woman, chemistry like I’ve never felt before? Here are some general answers to the most common questions I get about the connection between Spirit and love.

1. What is a past-life lover?

Again and again, I've heard clients describe a new love by saying something like, "I’ve never felt this way with another person before. There was this strong connection very early on. And the physical chemistry between us is off the charts." I believe this could signal a past-life connection, but remember, just because you had a past life with someone does not mean they’re your best romantic option in this life. The intense connection and physical spark you feel around this person is not a sign you are meant-to-be in this lifetime—Spirit has told me that the chemistry my clients are feeling is the buildup of energy between two souls over several lifetimes.

2. What makes a twin flame?

The theory here is that each soul has a "twin" soul. This twin will be the yin to your yang, so if you are an eternal optimist, your twin flame will have a strong natural pessimism. Twin flames trigger each other, and bring aspects that are hidden in the shadow (those parts of ourselves we do not want to own or heal) into the open. So if you have abandonment issues from childhood that have manifested in codependence, your twin flame will be independent and autonomous, triggering your abandonment issues and thus bringing them to the surface for healing.

While the twin flame theory resonates with me, I have a couple of issues with it. The idea of twin flames can make people believe there is only one person who will be able to fulfill them romantically. I believe that when we look at romantic partners and destiny, it’s not "the one" but more like that Marine recruiting slogan: "The few. The proud." Don’t let the idea of a "perfect" twin flame be an excuse not to get out in the real world and date. Perfection does not exist, and believing that it does can be highly self-sabotaging. Also, you don’t need anyone to complete you or your soul. Sometimes we make it seem like the ideal romantic partner is our "other half," the answer to all our prayers and problems—which is absolutely not true!

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3. How do I know when I've found my soul mate?

This term always sounds warm and cozy to me. Soul mates feel like home. They make us feel like we belong, and accept us warts and all—as we accept their messiness and issues. Soul mates stick together through thick and thin, good times and bad. Imagine a soul mate like a trellis that helps a plant grow bigger and hardier than it otherwise would. Soul mates should support you and challenge you to bring out the best in yourself. We have soul contracts, or agreements we made before we were born, to have long, productive relationships with certain people on earth. These soul mates might be family members, friends, mentors, health care providers, or romantic partners. We can certainly have more than one romantic soul mate in a lifetime, or we might have a few who appear at different appropriate, predestined points in our life. If you’ve found a romantic soul mate, treasure your time together.

4. What can I learn from relationships that didn't work out?

Maybe you dated someone for a few months, or even a few years, and later wondered, "What was that all about? What if I’d gone home with someone different from the party? What if I had just called it quits on our second date?" Many times after a relationship ends, clients will tell me that they knew "from the beginning" that something was "off" or "not right" with this romantic pairing. Try to look at these relationships not as mistakes or wastes of time but as teachable lovers, just like "teachable moments." There is always a lesson from the relationship, maybe several: to honor your heart, stand up for yourself, be willing to wait for something better, listen to your gut, express your needs and wants, get over your fear of being alone, etc.

If you’ve recently gotten out of a relationship you have no clue why you got in or stayed in, sit with a journal and ask your soul questions like: Was there a subconscious pattern that brought me to this relationship? What was I looking for, or what problem was I trying to solve, with this partner? What did I learn from this relationship that I will use in my next relationship? What was my real subconscious motivation for staying in this relationship? What made it hard to walk away from this person? Who was I trying to please?

5. How do soul contracts affect my love life?

Not every relationship that is written in the stars is meant to last as long as the average human life. You might have had a soul contract with someone to meet up and conceive or raise children, but then the soul contract is fulfilled and the marriage ends. Or your lover might have a soul contract to pass on and return to Spirit in her early 30s. With these meant-to-be but not meant-to-be-forever relationships, it’s always very clear what you got out of the partnering: children; an advance in your career, health or finances; a life lesson that propels you to a new level of love or healing; an old wound or subconscious block uncovered; past-life karma resolved; or maybe just five beautiful years on this earth with someone very special.

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6. How can I partner with the universe on my love life?

Remember, you can always ask the universe for signs and guidance about finding a compatible partner or improving your current relationship! I do not believe that anyone is "destined" to be alone. If you are happy being single, great. But if you’d like to be in a relationship, know that there is someone, or someones, out there for you! I’ve been told by Spirit that the universe gives us as many chances at romance as we are willing to take.

Here is the secret to moving on from a relationship that didn't work out.

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