Advertisement
Why We Dream About People We Know
Dreams are weird. Whether you keep dreaming about someone you barely know, have elaborate and upsetting dreams about loved ones, or experience the same dream over and over again, it can be difficult to understand and accept our dreams. But dream experts believe there is a lot to be gleaned from our dreams that can help us in waking life.
What does it mean if I have recurring dreams about someone in my life?
It depends on who you're dreaming about and what's going on in your relationship with that person, according to dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg.
If it's someone who is very present in your waking life, such as your partner, child, or someone very close to you, then you might be dreaming about them on a regular basis because your mind is trying to work through or fix something in your relationship with them, Loewenberg says.
"The purpose of dreaming, mostly, is problem solving," Loewenberg says. "If you're dreaming of your child or you're dreaming of your partner, then there may be something going on that is of concern that you want to figure out, but it doesn't mean it's bad. It just means that there's something going on that you're trying to understand better."
It can be important to pay attention to recurring dreams, says dream expert Leslie Ellis, Ph.D., and look for signs that indicate you need to address something in your life.
"It's as if you dreams are saying: Did you miss this last time? Here it is again, and again. I have worked with many dreamers with recurring nightmares and have found that when we work through the emotions and themes the dream is carrying, it stops returning," Ellis says.
Why do we dream about our partner cheating?
"Sometimes dreams reflect our hopes and fears," Ellisa says. "Your dream content says more about you than it does about your partner."
Dreams about infidelity are "really common," says Loewenberg. You could be dreaming about your partner cheating because you've experienced infidelity in the past or because you're having a hard time trusting your partner or even if your partner has been diverting their attention to something else, such as their job or your new baby.
Loewenberg suggests interpreting your dreams metaphorically, not literally.
"Dreams aren't necessarily linear nor rational; they're a lot more emotional, symbolic, and metaphoric," Loewenberg says. "So we look at our dreams literally when we should be looking at them metaphorically because they're speaking in metaphors."
Why do we have a sexual dream about someone?
Having a sexual dream about someone can be really awkward, but you don't have to freak out. Loewenberg suggests playing a "word association" game so you can figure out what your subconscious mind is trying to tell you when you have awkward dreams.
Here's how: What three words do you associate with the person in your dream? Let's use assertive, funny, and smart as examples. You might be dreaming about someone who embodies those qualities because you desire the same qualities in yourself, according to Loewenberg.
"It's usually about something about that person that you desire for yourself. It doesn't mean you want them physically, but something about their life or something about them your subconscious desires and wants you to incorporate into yourself," Loewenberg says.
At the very least: "It'll take the awkwardness out of it," Loewenberg says.
How to deal with bad (or weird) dreams
Fortunately, dreams "rarely" reflect your actual waking life, according to Ellis. It's most helpful to take them as they are: abstract.
So if you have an upsetting dream about someone you know, it's likely not a "warning sign" or anything, Ellis says.
"Consider instead spending time with the particular nature of the upsetting emotion in your dream. Does it have any bearing on your life and your relationships? How does the person in your dream relate to your own personal dynamics?" Ellis says. "If you can't shake the feeling and it really does feel like something your friend should know about, you could consider telling them your dream, though I would warn against taking its contents literally. Talking about our dreams with others brings us closer to them and may spark deeper conversations than you would otherwise have."
What does it mean to dream about someone dying?
Dreams about death can be some of the scariest, but again, it's best not to take them literally. Death in a dream usually means something is coming to an end or changing, Loewenberg says, in a symbolic way.
For example, if your artistic friend dies in your dream, Ellis says it could symbolize the demise of a creative part of yourself. If you dream about your child dying, Loewenberg says you could be mulling over a milestone, such as your child starting school or learning how to ride a bike. Death represents change.
"If there is death in your dream, it could signal a kind of ending—of a relationship or aspect of yourself or your life that is represented by the person in your dream," Ellis says. "It could also touch on larger themes around death, as dreams often touch on themes that are larger than the individual dreaming them. If it were my dream, I would also ask myself what is significant, for myself or the larger world, about the death of this person. And what is my dream asking me to do about it?"
Is there anything we can do to prevent bad or uncomfortable dreams?
Not really, but you can work on how you react to bad dreams.
"We all have bad dreams, at times. You can't prevent this any more than you can prevent having bad or uncomfortable experiences in life," Ellis says. "Life can be sweet, but it will also always bring challenging times and with it, dreams that reflect our emotional state."
If you work on viewing your dreams as a "guiding force" or "ally," then you can use them to help you process your waking life, according to Ellis.
"If we turn toward them with an open mind, a lot of dreams that on the surface feel uncomfortable are actually helping us see some things that truly need our attention. If we give these dreams our attention, we will feel better for it and grow to love and appreciate all the dreams that come to us," Ellis says.
Another way to tackle uncomfortable dreams is to reduce your worries in real life by tying up loose ends, Loewenberg advises.
"The best way to prevent upsetting dreams is to get your house in order," Loewenberg says. "Have those confrontations you need to make. Do not avoid difficult situations. Anything that seems to be going wrong or needs to be corrected in your life, work on correcting them. You can't correct it overnight, but at least get started on it. Because anything that is troubling in your waking life will play out in your dreams in some form."
The takeaway
We can't prevent ourselves from dreaming about specific people or uncomfortable situations, but we can use our dreams to our advantage. Take inventory of your dreams by writing them down in a dream journal and analyzing them for metaphorical nuggets of gold that can help you get to know yourself better.
Watch Next
Enjoy some of our favorite clips from classes
Enjoy some of our favorite clips from classes
What Is Meditation?
Mindfulness/Spirituality | Light Watkins
Box Breathing
Mindfulness/Spirituality | Gwen Dittmar
What Breathwork Can Address
Mindfulness/Spirituality | Gwen Dittmar
The 8 Limbs of Yoga - What is Asana?
Yoga | Caley Alyssa
Two Standing Postures to Open Up Tight Hips
Yoga | Caley Alyssa
How Plants Can Optimize Athletic Performance
Nutrition | Rich Roll
What to Eat Before a Workout
Nutrition | Rich Roll
How Ayurveda Helps Us Navigate Modern Life
Nutrition | Sahara Rose
Messages About Love & Relationships
Love & Relationships | Esther Perel
Love Languages
Love & Relationships | Esther Perel
What Is Meditation?
Box Breathing
What Breathwork Can Address
The 8 Limbs of Yoga - What is Asana?
Two Standing Postures to Open Up Tight Hips
How Plants Can Optimize Athletic Performance
What to Eat Before a Workout
How Ayurveda Helps Us Navigate Modern Life
Messages About Love & Relationships
Love Languages
Advertisement
This Inner Wound Can Block Your Creativity — Here's How To Heal It
Tanya Carroll Richardson
This Inner Wound Can Block Your Creativity — Here's How To Heal It
Tanya Carroll Richardson
This Inner Wound Can Block Your Creativity — Here's How To Heal It
Tanya Carroll Richardson
This Inner Wound Can Block Your Creativity — Here's How To Heal It
Tanya Carroll Richardson