How To Get The One Thing We All Want

Marriage and Family Therapist By Shelly Bullard, MFT
Marriage and Family Therapist
Shelly Bullard, MFT, is a marriage and family therapist with a holistic and spiritual approach to relationships. She has worked with thousands of clients on improving their relationships with others and themselves.

There is one thing that every single person wants and that is to feel good. 

This isn't news to anybody; we all know this. But perhaps what you haven't thought about is how paramount this desire is in your life. It is so big that it is drives all other desires you have. Let me show you what I'm talking about:

Let's say you want to get in shape. OK. Why? Because you want to be healthier, you want your body to feel and look good, you like the way it feels to have endorphins streaming through your system. Fair enough.

If we take this inquiry about why you want to get in shape little deeper, we'll find that all of these desires are really about the desire to feel good. Whether it's about health (better health will make you feel more at ease, therefore good) or self-esteem (looking good will make you feel good) or chemicals (endorphins feel good!), what you really want is to feel good.

All desires are really about the desire to feel good! Let's try another.

You desire money, don't you? Yes. How come? Well, because you want to feel security and freedom and abundance. You want to be able to spend money on things that will make you happy. You want the sense of ease that comes from being able to pay your bills. You want money because having it will make you feel good.

See what I mean? One more.

You want love, right? Yes. Why? Because loving and being loved feels really, really good.

Case closed.

Every single desire you have stems from the desire to feel good!

Why does this matter?

Because when we understand that what we really want is to feel good, then we can start making that happen now!

It's so easy to get caught in believing that feeling good is contingent on things happening in the future. When I lose those pounds, then I will feel good. When I make this amount of money, then I will feel good. When I get the relationship, then I will feel good.

But this is a limited frame of mind; it keeps us stuck feeling less-than satisfied now. Searching, longing, missing, wanting. Waiting for the day to come!

It doesn't have to be this way.

People sometimes get a little hesitant about the idea of feeling good now, before all those goals get accomplished. And I guess it's because they're scared if they just relax and feel good then life will stop. They fear their growth will come to an end.

But this could never be true. Growth never ends; it keeps happening whether we like it or not.

Feeling good now doesn't mean we drop everything and become complacent. It doesn't mean we just accept our lives as they are, without hoping and dreaming for further success and abundance. It's not about posting-up on the couch and never making another move again.

Feeling good now is about is enjoying the journey—the WHOLE journey. Not just the arrival (which, just an FYI, we never fully arrive) but the all parts leading up to those fantastic arrivals as well.

When you feel good now, you get to enjoy the process of becoming. It's not just about the end result.

So, if you'd like to give this "feeling good now" thing a whirl, here are a couple suggestions on how to make it happen ASAP:

1. Gratitude. 

When in doubt, feel grateful. Seriously. It's kind-of the answer to everything.

Gratitude is important because it orients you to all the things you have. When you think about all the good things in your life, you feel happy (really, it's pretty straightforward). Gratitude is the fast-track to feeling good now.

If you commit yourself to recognizing things you're grateful for everyday, your sense of abundance and well-being will increase big time. Guaranteed.

2. Desire feels good.

The second suggestion I have for you is about shifting the way you view all those wonderful things that you want, but have not yet acquired.

Humans desire. We have preferences. We hunger. This is how we are wired.

Desiring is not a bad thing; quite the contrary actually. It feels fantastic when we do it a certain way.

When you desire with excitement, anticipation, enthusiasm, and confidence, then desiring feels as good as acquiring (sometimes it feels better!). Creativity and inspiration stem from desire. Muses are born out of desire. Indulging in desire is how we make our dreams come true.

Desiring in this manner is about enjoying the journey. It's about wishing for the things you want and holding assurance that your desires will someday be yours. This feels really good.

But there is another way to relate to desire—one that is pretty common and I'm sorry to say, doesn't feel so great. It's the kind of desire we feel when we want something but we are focused on the absence of it. For the sake of this article I'm going to call this longing.

When we long, we don't believe the thing we want can be ours. We're focused on the lack of our desire, which creates very uncomfortable feelings within us: emptiness, anxiety, and depression. Something feels way off—something's missing. And that never feels good.

The good news is you have a choice. With a little effort, you can transform your longings into desires just by changing your perspective a bit (easier said than done, of course, but I know you can do it).

When you find yourself longing, see if you can shift the experience. Try to look at your desire from a standpoint of, I look forward to the process of that becoming mine, rather than, I'm stuck here, without it, and it sucks. If you can make this shift, you'll feel good more often and you'll find yourself lining-up on the path to receive those things that you are excited to have someday.

The moral of this story is: You want to feel good and you can. In fact, you can right now.

Remember that all your desires stem from the desire to feel good. Make some simple, subtle shifts in your life so you can starting feeling good immediately.

Tonight before you go to sleep, reflect on your day. What do you feel grateful for? What are you looking forward to in the future?

If, when you do this, you can honestly say to yourself, My life is good. I have so much to be thankful for. And yes, I really look forward to those things on the horizon too, then you better believe you are in a sweet, sweet spot.

And that feels damn good.

Shelly Bullard, MFT
Shelly Bullard, MFT
Shelly Bullard, MFT, is a marriage and family therapist with a holistic and spiritual approach to...
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Shelly Bullard, MFT
Shelly Bullard, MFT
Shelly Bullard, MFT, is a marriage and family therapist with a...
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