Emily Fletcher is the founder of Ziva Meditation and the creator of zivaMIND, the world's first online meditation training. Companies like Google, Barclays Bank, Viacom, Chanel, Coca-Cola, and sweetgreen have all invited Emily to help up-level company performance through meditation. You can learn with her, too, by joining her course, Guided Visualizations: How to Overcome Your Fears, Excel at Work & Have Mind-Blowing Sex.
There’s no denying that breakups are tough.
It doesn’t matter if it was you or your partner who initiated the split. Breakups cause a kind of mourning. Mourning the close of this chapter of your life, mourning the loss of potential of what could have been, and mourning what can feel like a death of this person who you thought you might have spent the rest of your life with. It hurts.
By habit, we humans like to avoid pain. We often try to ignore our feelings or numb them with brownies, Netflix, and wine. We may even start a relationship with someone new before we have fully healed as a way to avoid feeling the pain.
Here’s the trick: There is no way around but through.
Once you accept this simple truth, you open yourself up to a much more elegant way of dealing with the end of a relationship.
Why do you think relationships exist? Do you think your boyfriend is there to "complete" you? I believe relationships exist to teach us our lessons. At their best, they are an outlet for our fulfillment and not a place we go to fill ourselves up.
Every relationship is a chapter in the syllabus of life. When one ends, it can mean you have learned that lesson and it is time to move on. By adopting this viewpoint, we realize that breakups are actually an amazing opportunity for growth. That doesn’t make it easy. Growing Pains isn’t just a sitcom from the '80s. Change can be uncomfortable. Breaking your exoskeleton can hurt, but expansion is the safest place there is.
When we allow ourselves to feel the discomfort and move through it as opposed to trying to avoid it, we give ourselves the gift of healing faster and more elegantly.
Below is a technique I created for my course with mbg, called Guided Visualizations: How to Overcome Your Fears, Excel at Work & Have Mind-Blowing Sex. There ended up being so much content for the course that this didn’t make the cut, but I’d like to share it with you anyway to help you move through this difficult time and perhaps even come to appreciate it.