Finding the right man is no easy task in this world. In my coaching work, I've helped hundreds of women overcome their own limiting beliefs, which are often the reason for unfulfilled love and the seeming impossibility of finding a soul mate.
The good news is that we can start to question and change our own beliefs, and by doing so, shift our reality.
I've seen it over and over that new, fresh, and positive opportunities emerge when we change our mindset. Our beliefs about love and who the right guy is are key when it comes to creating authentic, lasting, and real love.
Today I want to share with you the six most common limiting beliefs I see in women who want to find a great man, but don’t.
1. Men only like women who look a certain way.
Whatever female shape you idealize, you likely tell yourself that your ideal guy also finds that shape - and ONLY that shape - attractive. That's simply not the truth. Men have a variety of tastes and — more importantly — the good ones are not that superficial. What they want more than anything is a woman who feels good in her own body and is confident in her beauty and her brains. Focus on building authentic self-confidence.
2. Compared to other women, I am not _____ enough.
Comparison is one of the worst games we can play in our own heads, because it typically ends with beating ourselves up and seeing our faults and lacks in an exacerbated way. Regardless of whether we see ourselves better or worse off than another person, negativity and jealousy are rooted in insecurity and a lack of self-love. Start to purposefully look for the beautiful parts in other women and yourself, give compliments generously, and you'll begin to see yourself in a brighter light.
3. I have to be different from the person I am in order to attract a great man.
The underlying limiting belief here is that you aren't good enough the way you are and that you have to hide parts of yourself. However, the only thing that will create a lasting, sustainable, and unconditionally loving relationship is if you show up as your authentic self. Nothing else will truly make your mate stick. Allow yourself to be playful and relaxed with yourself. We all have them, and nothing is more attractive than people who can be real.
4. The only guy I can even imagine dating is like this: [your list of must-haves].
I am all for having high standards and not settling, but if you create an endless list of absolute must-haves you're selling yourself short, because you leave no room for surprises. In my relationship, I've come to love my man the most for the qualities I never knew I needed from him. Instead of focusing on things he physically has, focus on his characteristics.
For example, rather than looking for a guy who has a good job, look for a guy who has passion and ambition. Instead of looking for a guy with the perfectly toned arms and abs, look for a guy who has an adventurous spirit. Focus on the qualities that hide under the surface and that will actually impact the way you would plan and lead your life together.
5. I want him to like me a little bit more than I like him. I want to have the upper hand.
Playing games is no fun in the long run and only establishes distrust and competition in the relationship. When there's a struggle for the upper hand, there's a fear of being vulnerable because you believe that unless you have control and consistently prove your (superior) worth, the guy will become disinterested, and you will be the one left with a broken heart.
Instead, focus on being on the same page and in an equilibrium that is based on equal giving and receiving. It’s just as wonderful to admire as it to be admired.
6. It’s too late.
Telling yourself you missed the boat only leads to one thing: giving up hope. You're telling yourself that what you deeply desire is something you can't have. You are rejecting yourself before you can be rejected. Instead, work on trusting that the universe has a great, funny, charming man ready for you when you're ready to meet each other. Allow yourself to wander through life lightly, and expect good things to happen. The timing of love is about the last thing you can schedule and control, so surrender and trust that the right man will be available when the time is right. In the meantime, focus on building a beautiful relationship with yourself.
In the comments below, I’d love to hear from you: Which of these resonates the most with you? How are you planning to shift your mind to let real love in?