Single, In Your 40s & Want To Have A Baby? Read This
Do you lie in bed late at night, dreaming of becoming a mother someday? Think life would be just perfect with a baby on the way?
Well, I used to be that girl.
I spent many sleepless nights wondering if I'd ever meet the man of my dreams. Would I get pregnant with him? If your biological clock is ticking and you haven’t met the right partner, don’t keep waiting for him or you could miss your opportunity to have a baby. It’s a well-known fact that a woman’s fertility decreases rapidly in her 40s.
My previous boyfriend was not on the same path as me and when we split, the thought of waiting to meet another man was not something I had time to do, given I was approaching 40 and concerned about my fertility. I had a strong vision that I wanted to have my own baby and would do whatever it took to make this happen.
At the time, I was working in the fast-paced world of PR, attending events five nights a week. I'd be drinking champagne, eating canapés, and running on empty. I was consuming lots of processed food with hidden sugars, thinking I was being healthy. I knew my diet and lifestyle had to change immediately if I was to have a chance of conceiving a healthy baby.
So I started my journey of detoxing, attending weekly yoga classes, meditation, daily power walks, and eating organic foods whenever possible. I cleaned my diet drastically: ditched alcohol and cigarettes, enormously reduced my caffeine intake, and cut out additives, preservatives, artificial colors, flavors, processed and packaged food. In their place, I introduced organic whole foods, grains, added lots of green vegetables, fruits, superfoods and nutritional supplements. I started seeing an acupuncture doctor to help with my fertility plan and had regular pre-natal massage to promote fertility. I practiced self-love and self-care every day and nourished my mind, body and soul in a way my body had never experienced.
After speaking with my Mum at length about the idea, she was very supportive. Then I sat down and wrote a long letter to my best friend of 15 years, Darren, pouring my heart out and explaining just how much having a baby meant to me.
In my letter, I asked Darren to be a sperm donor, as I did not expect any more from him and was happy to be responsible for bringing up a baby on my own.
I'll never forget our beautiful lunch on Bondi Beach in Sydney to discuss my letter. I had no idea what his reaction would be. When Darren told me he wanted to be a father and to co-parent a child with me, I could not believe my luck and felt so blessed we were on the same path. He was very committed to making our plan happen.
I have never looked back or been happier. My relationship with Darren is better than any relationship I have had with past boyfriends. He is the father of our two year-old daughter Ava and there has always been a great level of respect, love, and honesty between us, even though our relationship is purely platonic. We share the same values and the responsibilities of being a parent and we support each other in the process the best we can.
My advice to anyone in a similar situation? Try letting go of what you think becoming a mom should look like, and see what possibilities open in front of you.
My greatest passion now, as a Health Coach, is to help and support other women on their journey to get pregnant on their own or with a partner or in a co-parenting relationship like I chose to do.