Whether you're looking for a relationship where you feel deeply loved or you're craving more romance and intimacy in your current relationship, you might want to reconsider where you're putting your attention. If you're focusing your thoughts and energy on what you don’t have, your relationship will feel deficient. If, however, you shift your perspective to loving, it will quickly grow.
Sometimes people choose not to love because they've been hurt, they hold on to resentment, or they say we're too busy or too tired. All of a sudden these people find themselves wondering why they're not getting love in the way that they want, the way they like it or the way they think they deserve to be loved.
There are three reasons that make people feel like they're not getting the love they deserve:
1. You're waiting for someone to “complete you.”
For 11 years I was in a relationship that made me feel like I was complete because of the the other person. I looked for approval in my partner, I looked for acknowledgement, appreciation and compliments from him. If I didn’t get them, I felt incomplete or unloved.
I yearned to be part of something else, and the relationship provided that “wholeness” for me. Years later I realized that the wholeness was actually empty, because I was looking for it outside of myself instead of within me. I realized I was in a codependent relationship. You can only be in an empowering co-creative partnership when each person is already whole unto themselves, and the only way to get there is through self-love.
2. You're not truly and deeply loving and accepting of yourself.
Do you love your body, or are you waiting to love your body when you lose those five pounds?
Do you accept and love the wonderful person you are, or do you criticize yourself for not being “perfect?”
Most of us have a version of not fully loving and embracing every part of ourselves, we believe we could be better, or we could look better. A great way to know if you truly love yourself is by looking at your life and asking these questions: