What Do Women Want? It Starts With This...

Marriage and Family Therapist By Shelly Bullard, MFT
Marriage and Family Therapist
Shelly Bullard, MFT, is a marriage and family therapist with a holistic and spiritual approach to relationships. She has worked with thousands of clients on improving their relationships with others and themselves.

Guys, I know your woman may seem like a mystery to you. You don't know when she's going to feel good; you don't know when she's going to feel bad. It's true, we can be emotional creatures. Our feelings move and sway like the ocean; soft and sultry one moment, rough and wild the next.

Today I've got some good news for you: You don't have to be at the mercy of her waves anymore. There are things you can do to bring your woman back to feeling good, and that that's what I'm going to talk about today.

Let's start with something that's very important for you to know. If your woman is upset with you, you can be 99% sure it's because she feels unloved in some shape or form. 

A woman blossoms by knowing you care about her. She gets filled by feeling like she's special to you. Your consideration, attention and love are her medicine.

Imagine your woman has a love tank inside her that dictates how she feels in any particular moment. When her tank is full, she has a lot of love to give; she'll express this love freely in the form of laughter, kindness, and sweet gestures toward you. But as her tank drains, she begins to run on empty. The love that she has for you and the world slowly drains away.

If your woman's love tank doesn't get refilled often enough, well, that's when her moodiness set in.

Let me give you some examples of how this plays out:

Did you forget to take out the trash? Sure, common mistake. But here's how it computes to her: You aren't paying attention to her needs, which can imply that you don't love her.

Did you forget to call when you said you would? OK, it happens. Her translation: You forgot about her, which makes her feel uncared for.

Did you forget her birthday? Buddy, come on. No bueno. This makes her feel very unimportant to you!

Now, I know these are simple mistakes. And trust me, we don't expect you to be perfect (just as much as we are going to be moody, you're going to drop the ball from time to time — we're human!). But what you need to understand is that to a woman, it's the little things that add up or subtract out.

If you forgot the trash, and the phone call, and her birthday… man, she's running on empty! She needs to be filled with your love!

I know that you mean well and you're probably a good guy. I know that you do a lot of things right. Great. We applaud you for that.

Even though all that's true, your woman's love tank is going to drain sometimes. While it's definitely not your job to keep her happy 100% of the time, it's also important for you to realize that you don't have to feel powerless over her negative feelings anymore. There's something you can do to make her shine again.

What is it?

You can love her.

Yes, fill her with your love and watch her mood dissolve.

Tickle her.

Get playful.

Nibble her neck.

Tell her you're sorry and you'll never, ever, ever, ever, ever do it again. Then give her a big bear hug and don't let go until she giggles.

Say, "Sweetie, I know I messed up. I'm sorry. Now, let me make it up to you." She may resist for a moment or two, but I'm telling you, if you persist, her mood will melt away.

Do you know how happy your woman would be if you did a few little things everyday to fill her love tank? She'd be thrilled! And when she's thrilled, you're thrilled. That's just how it works.

The master of masculine/feminine dynamics, David Deida, says, "A superior man sees his woman's moods not as a curse but as a challenge and an amusement."

What he means is that if you're going to feel at peace in your relationship, you must accept that your woman is emotional — her feelings are going to fluctuate all the time. But, you are not helpless to these fluctuations! You have the power to dissolve her mood with your love.

I know you wonder why she can't get over it; I know you'd like her to give you a break. But she can't, because she's a woman — she's a completely different creature than you are. And fellas, that's why you just can't get enough.

The energy that inspires a woman to oohh and ahh in delight is the same energy that causes her to fuss and rage when she's upset. The only way to get rid of moods altogether is to be with someone who doesn't feel much of anything. And, come on, that's not what you want. You want a real woman — one who sways and moves like the wind.

The next time your woman seems to be running on empty, remember how much influence you can have over the love she feels inside. Fill her tank back up with your love and she'll be glowing and purring in no time, just the way both of you want it to be.

In the comments below, guys, I'd love to hear your ideas about how to fill a woman's love tank back up. And women, how can your man snap you out of a mood and make you feel loved again? I'm look forward to hearing from you!

Shelly Bullard, MFT
Shelly Bullard, MFT
Shelly Bullard, MFT, is a marriage and family therapist with a holistic and spiritual approach to...
Read More
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Shelly Bullard, MFT
Shelly Bullard, MFT
Shelly Bullard, MFT, is a marriage and family therapist with a...
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