What Does Graysexual Mean? Definition & 12 Things To Know

That's a phrase you may have heard before, but not everyone realizes just how wide that spectrum actually goes. The sexuality spectrum is so vast that you may find one sexuality falling within another—like the way graysexuality falls within the asexuality spectrum. But what does that even mean? Here's everything you need to know about graysexuality and what it means to identify as graysexual.

It's also important to note that many graysexual people do engage in and enjoy sex, depending on their own unique feelings and experiences.

Graysexuality can be broken down even further into four main categories or types, according to multi-certified sex and relationships educator Anne Hodder-Shipp:

"It is, therefore, possible to identify as both graysexual and heterosexual, or both graysexual and homosexual, and so on. This also covers all other sexual orientations, including bisexuality and pansexuality," Harrison explains. "Many graysexual people still enter into relationships, and they may still have very clear preferences in terms of the gender they are attracted or drawn to or the gender that interests them romantically."

Graysexuality falls under the asexual umbrella, but they aren't exactly the same thing. According to Harrison, the two are similar in the sense that both sexualities are defined by a lack of interest in sexual activity and reduced levels of sexual attraction. When it comes to the differences between the two, Harrison says asexuality usually describes an absence of sexual attraction and little or no interest in sexual activity, while a graysexual person may occasionally experience sexual attraction or an active interest in sex—but this will usually be rare, at a low level, and may bring with it feelings of confusion.

That said, Harrison says that when the right level of emotional attachment is not present, the experiences of graysexuals and demisexuals are broadly the same. Harrison also says it's worth noting that "graysexuality is fluid, so it is possible to move from graysexual to demisexual and vice versa."

Graysexuality is still a relatively new term and topic within the academic studies of sexuality and sexual orientation, which means there is still a lot we don't know. This can lead to misunderstandings and myths. Here are some of the most common myths surrounding graysexuality, according to experts.

"A common misconception about asexuality or graysexuality is that lack of interest in sex indicates trauma or that something is blocking a person's sexual interest, which should be overcome," AASECT-certified sex therapist Indigo Stray Conger, LMFT, CST, tells mbg. But that's not true: "When asexuality or graysexuality is an orientation, there is no desire to 'overcome' lack of sexual interest, other than peer pressure or a desire to fit in."

"In reality, many graysexual people do enjoy sexual relationships, and they may even enjoy the sexual activity itself," Harrison explains. "But this enjoyment may be at a low level, or it could occur without experiencing sexual attraction. Some graysexual people do willingly and happily engage in sexual activity for the benefit of their partner(s) too."

"It is crucial to understand that graysexuality is completely distinct from medical issues and sexual disorders, such as those resulting in a low sex drive," Harrison says. She says it is actually possible for a graysexual person to have a high sex drive and a need for sexual release while simultaneously experiencing an absence of sexual attraction to other people.

They add, "As with any relationship dynamic, the presence or frequency of sex is not what defines a relationship as 'healthy,' and sex cannot be 'owed' to a partner as though it's a five-dollar bill. However someone feels about sex or experiences sexual attraction is valid and true for them, no matter what anyone else says."

However, if after reading, you find yourself still questioning your place on the spectrum, consider browsing this comprehensive list of sexualities.