An 8-Step Process For Transforming Disappointment Into Gratitude

Instead of pretending you're not disappointed or trying to talk yourself out of the feeling, accept the challenging emotions you are having. Disappointment can leave you feeling deflated and down. It's easier to sit with these sensations and move past them when you simply allow them. Work with thoughts like, "I wish that had gone better or differently. While I know I'll be OK and bounce back, right now I'm a little sad." Remind yourself that disappointment is a normal part of life and something everyone deals with in big and small ways all the time. That might make you feel less alone in the experience.

Unpack the experience with a neutral third party. If you had high hopes for the performance review meeting with your manager but instead learned that bonuses, raises, and promotions are on a temporary freeze right now, venting to your roommate or a friend or a therapist can provide emotional release and perspective. As someone who doesn't work at your company the neutral person may share an interesting angle on the situation you never considered. Sharing your emotional experience with someone who is typically a soft landing place—or not overly critical, reactionary, or judgmental—can often cool intense emotions.

Disappointment means you thought something would be more joyful, fulfilling, or nourishing than it was. So balance your energy by giving yourself some positive experiences, like treating yourself to a massage, making yourself your favorite meal, curling up with your favorite feel-good comedy, or making a date with a friend to do a favorite activity. Disappointment can feel so harsh, so play soft music, be soft and gentle with yourself in your internal dialogue, or read soft-energy daily affirmations (like those in my 2023 self-love calendar, A Year of Self-Love).

It's usually only when things go "wrong" that we change and evolve. If you were disappointed by the response to your big video presentation at work, be like a professional athlete and watch the replay. This isn't to punish or reprimand yourself but to see how you can improve and create a better experience for yourself next time—a huge act of self-love! Should you invest in a better microphone? Could you play with the lighting in your office? Maybe a book or course on public speaking would help. We can't evolve without making mistakes, so when you try to be perfect, you cut yourself off from healthy evolution. Expect yourself to be, forever, a work-in-progress!

It's very healthy to be positive and hopeful about a situation walking into it, and it's normal to spend a lot of time looking forward to big events on the calendar. Yet try to be more curious about how things will play out, as opposed to imagining specific scenarios. If you're going on vacation with a large group of old friends and imagine the group hanging out and bonding every second, it could be disappointing if some of the people in the group want to spend time alone, meet up solo with people they know outside your group who live in the area you are visiting, or want to break into smaller subgroups on different days. If you can be open and flexible about how things will go, you are more likely to embrace and enjoy the moments as they organically arise.