How to Set Kind Boundaries While Your Children Are Still Babies

Offering our baby choices, giving time and opportunity for movement and activity, and letting them feed themselves are some of the ways that we give our baby freedom. "Freedom" can be a difficult word to understand, as we are often used to it meaning "freedom from" something, like rules or having to work. In a Montessori context, we give the baby and child "freedom to" do something—like freedom to choose, to move, and to express themselves. It's not a license to do whatever they like—it's freedom within the rules of our family and society.

So with all of these, we also set limits or boundaries. Here are some of the ways that we set boundaries with babies:

When preparing the baby's environment, we consciously only include the items that are safe for them to use. When we offer choices, we limit them to options that we have approved and that are acceptable to us.

For example, if a baby crawls to an electrical outlet, we tell them it is unsafe and carry them to a safe part of the room. A baby who is throwing inappropriate objects can be redirected to a basket of balls or objects more appropriate for throwing.

The baby's behavior is usually their way of communicating something. It might be a need or a message. A baby who is throwing objects might be communicating a need for more gross-motor movement, and a baby who is throwing food might simply be communicating that they are full or not interested in the meal. Our response would be based on our observation and interpretation.

If our baby often pours the water out of their cup while they're not drinking, we can modify our process by keeping the cup by our side until it is time for the baby to drink or pouring just enough for one drink and taking the cup back once the baby is done. If our baby keeps going back to an electrical outlet, we can make sure it is protected or maybe move a piece of furniture in front of it. In this way, we set limits using the environment.

We might model like this: "I see you are done. Let me show you where the cup goes." Modeling is so important in helping the baby figure out the boundaries.

This is a great time for us to practice saying things in a more positive way. Children tune out when they constantly hear "don't" and "no" all the time. So we tell them what we want them to do: "Let's keep your feet on the ground" rather than "Don't climb on the table." In addition, it's simpler for them to process our request. When we hear someone say, "Don't put your hands on your head," first we think of our head and then need to work out where to put our hands instead. Start now, and by the time they are toddlers and we are seeking their cooperation more and more, it will be automatic.