Are You Nice To Yourself? This Quick Test Can Help You Find Out

Are you nice to yourself? It's a loaded question: Sure, research has shown that thinking kind thoughts about yourself has psychological and physical benefits1, but acting out of kindness can be pretty subjective. After all, declaring how much you love yourself and actually putting self-love into practice are very different scenarios. So how can you tell if you're genuinely treating yourself with kindness?

Allow Neff to explain: "A very simple way is just to ask yourself the question, 'How do I treat my good friends?'"

Let's say a friend confides in you about how they're struggling or feeling bad about themselves. How do you respond? Do you brush off their concerns or treat them with compassion? For the sake of this self-compassion test, let's imagine you talk to them how you talk to yourself whenever you're personally struggling: Would that person still be your friend after hearing what you have to say? 

It may sound obvious, but if that person would feel hurt by your words (or decides to abandon your friendship altogether), chances are you aren't too kind to yourself. It's a common scenario: According to Neff, most of us are way more compassionate with others than we are with ourselves. That's why you may easily give a loved one grace when they make a mistake or fail—and you may be hard on yourself for following a similar pattern.