Before I met my current partner, I certainly made a few questionable dating choices. My lack of awareness about what I needed in love and life, and how I put other people's needs before my own manifested a string of disappointing relationships. It wasn't until I got to know myself better that I was able to meet someone who was the right fit.
So if I was able to manifest partners who weren't right, it makes sense that we should be able to do the same in the other direction. But does manifesting really work when it comes to love? Talking from experience, the path to love can no doubt be a tricky one, but if you have the right tools in place, it is possible.
Here are my steps for how to manifest the partner of your dreams:
1. Make sure you’re ready.
Before you start a new relationship, it's crucial that you feel really, truly ready, which means any wounds from past relationships should be healed. It's not fair to you — or your next partner — if you drag things into a new relationship that don't have a place there. Yes, baggage and emotional scars are completely normal and okay, but unless you've learned to view these things as part of your past, you can never move forward.
Take your time to heal, but don't let the process take forever. Leaning on an old relationship as a reason for not moving forward won't benefit anyone. Deal with that relationship baggage, face it, make peace with it, and then store it in the attic. Do what you need to do to move past it, but know that until you really address an issue, it will find a way of rearing up down the road.
2. Make a list.
If you find yourself constantly disappointed or hurt in relationships, take a look at your dating history. Chances are, the people in your past all have something in common that's leading to the less-than-fulfilling relationships you've had with them.
Sit down and make a list. Write down the names of all your partners, how long you dated, what attracted you to them initially, what you liked about the relationship, what you didn't, how you felt at different stages of the relationship, and finally, why it ended. Yes, this might be a painful trip down memory lane, but it's important to figure out what didn't work in your past to know how to move forward with purpose.
Don't leave anything out. Be honest with yourself (no one else is going to see this list, so there's no need to omit something).
Now look at the list. Notice if there are any patterns. For example, maybe you're attracted to needy partners, which means you end up taking on most of the relationship responsibilities. You make all the plans, you initiate conversations, you always pick the restaurants, you lose yourself in fulfilling the needs of your partner. And after a few months, it gets exhausting, it's not sustainable, but your partners don't see a problem and so it ends.
Don't do anything with this information right away, but keep it in mind as you start dating. Now you know what you've been attracted to in the past, and also what hasn't worked. You have the information and power to stay away from the same patterns that have led to unfulfilling relationships in the past.
3. Get rid of “fairy tale brain.”
Start building the life you want — the life you know you deserve — without expecting to be rescued. Don't wait for your prince or princess to knock on the door, sweep you off your feet, and turn your life around.
You have the power to do this for yourself.
You can start small or throw yourself all in from the beginning. Either way, know that if you're sitting around waiting for a romantic relationship to be the catalyst for a big life change, it's not going to happen. Not only does that mean you're relying on someone you haven't met yet to make something big happen for you, it also means you don't have the confidence in yourself to go after what you want.
By going for your dreams, you give yourself the power to be fulfilled by myriad things, not just seeing love as your only path to happiness.
4. Make space.
Make space in your life for someone to enter it. By all means, build the life of your dreams, but don't forget to allow for the unexpected. If you schedule your days down to the minute, there's little room for spontaneity. But knowing you have the time, space, and power to say yes to whatever you want is a powerful tool. After all, love can show up in some very unplanned, unexpected places.
5. Tell the universe what you want.
Knowing what you don't want in your next relationship is important, but so is knowing what you are looking for. Of course not every relationship will check every single box on your list, but it's a good idea to think about what you're looking for in a partner. One thing to note, though: Be careful what you wish for. On a few occasions I did manifest my "perfect" partner, but it turned out that what I thought I wanted and what I really needed weren't the same thing!
Remember, though, that all humans have differences and that's what makes us special. Your perfect partner and relationship won't look like anyone else's — it boils down to the flaws you can live with and those that are an absolute no.
6. Let go and surrender.
Now take everything I've said and throw it out the window ... sort of.
No matter how many lists you make or how much preparation you do, ultimately you need to let nature take its course. Trust and value yourself. Believe and have patience. Have an open mind in your approach to love and it will find you.
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