Holiday Stress Putting A Strain On Your Relationship? Try This Expert-Backed Technique

If the holidays manage to test your relationship, you're not alone. From the dreaded "turkey drop" (breaking up with a significant other before going home for Thanksgiving), to January being one most popular months to file for divorce, there's clearly something about holiday happenings that make people question their relationships.

The PePPeR technique comes from relationship expert and author of Wired for Love, Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, who co-created the Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy® (PACT). The first step to the PePPeR technique? Predict.

As Tatkin tells mindbodygeen, you and your significant other will want to discuss your mutual purpose and vision for the upcoming holiday (i.e. events and activities), and predict anything that could get in the way of that vision.

"Human beings are the only animal that can predict based on knowledge and information, and then to plan and prepare for that—and yet, couples don't to it," Tatkin says, adding, "So they walk into situations where their heart rates go up, they're anxious and stressed, and they're much more prone to being automatic and reactive."

Step #2 of the PePPeR technique is planning and preparing. When you have an idea of what could go wrong, this is when you and your partner can plan and make preparations for what you'll do to get through it.

Whether it's a long car ride with the kids, being around that one toxic family member, or figuring out which events you'll have to decline invites to, getting clear on your plan of attack beforehand is always a good idea.

"And couples will find that they stop repeating the same mistakes with this. All they have to do is carry over what didn't work last time, and what they are or aren't going to do this time," Tatkin says.

The final step to the PePPeR technique involves making revisions or repairing any hurt feelings when and where necessary. As we're all aware, even the most solid plans can still backfire, and it's possible conflict could still arise.

Maybe you stepped on your partner's toes when you snapped about them forgetting to pick up a gift, or it just turned out that your plan didn't exactly go, well, as planned.

Take it as a lesson for next time, so when you have similar circumstances coming up (like another holiday party or get-together with the in-laws), you can remember what did and didn't work.

The holidays can be super stressful, to be sure, but one of the most beautiful parts of relationship is that you have a built-in teammate. And you know what they say about teamwork: it makes the dream work.