How To Explore Tantra If Your Partner Isn't Interested

Question: Do you think it is OK for someone in a relationship to seek awakening with a [tantric] professional like yourself before sharing that with his or her partner?

To answer your question, I am going to "tell on myself" a little bit. I started studying tantra while I was married. Because this is an issue I personally have experience with, I will share my personal journey with you.

Though I wanted him to participate, one of the many beautiful things about tantra is that, contrary to popular belief, you don't need a partner to practice it or to reap its blissful benefits. Do you have a body? Great! Then tantra is available to you at your discretion. And you don't need anyone else's permission—just your own.

If you're ready to study tantra and your partner isn't, be warned. When you truly commit yourself to understanding and practicing it, you open a kind of Pandora's box. You'll experience sexual and spiritual growth that, if your partner isn't working on their own personal development, may put a wedge between you.

That's the risk you take with any path of personal growth—whether it's becoming financially independent or committing to living a healthier lifestyle. Growth means change.

When I found myself at a point of divergence with my ex-husband, I felt a lot of fear and shame. I was afraid that I would be judged for studying something that's so far outside of the box. Let's be honest. Most people in relationships and marriages don't talk about sex. In a recent post, one woman confessed that she had never had an orgasm and that she didn't want to talk to her boyfriend about it. She thought the subject matter was a little "too personal." But she had already allowed her boyfriend's penis to enter her vagina. That's pretty personal!

So, like a lot of couples, instead of talking about sex, she simply had sex. But our partners aren't mind readers. How can they know we're not happy or satisfied if we're unable to engage and discuss? That's how people end up lying to themselves and their partner.

Whether or not you want to seek professional help is really a personal choice—but it's a choice about personal growth. It's not a choice about sex. You have to be responsible for your actions, and you also have to be honest with your partner about your boundaries.

Meant to awaken your sexuality and deepen your mind-body-soul connection, my Tantra 101 class on mbg is replete with videos that are completely guilt-free and totally PG. And you can watch them in the comfort of your own home—with or without your partner.

Simply watching these videos is very different from going and practicing tantra with another person. I bring this up because, as I mentioned earlier, these videos can introduce concepts that might threaten your relationship. Should you reach the point where you start to want to try tantric techniques with other people, know that you're dealing with an issue of authenticity, not morality.

Cheating (and all the shame that often comes with it) can be avoided if you're authentic from the jump. Tell your partner that you need more. Or maybe the conversation is about having reached a point of growth at which you now need them to be able to practice tantra with you.

If they're unable to do that or if you find that you're not compatible, you can be honest and tell them that you're going to need to explore with other partners. You can own your sexuality. You can own your desires and give voice to them. After doing that, maybe your relationship will become an open one. Or maybe you'll decide to end the relationship completely.