Should Couples Talk About Who They're Voting For? Some Things To Consider

Should romantic partners tell each other who they vote for in elections?

In an election year that feels particularly charged, it can sometimes feel impossible to not talk about politics, particularly with the people closest to us. But not all couples talk about politics regularly, and if politics haven't really been a mainstay topic of conversation in your relationship, it's certainly possible to continue avoiding a direct conversation about who each of you is voting for. But should you?

"Most people in a couple probably already have a sense of who their partner is voting for, but some couples may not," couples' therapist Alicia Muñoz, LPC, tells mbg. "It depends on how close you are, how much you share with each other, and, sometimes, on your tolerance level for differences between you and your partner."

Some couples are OK with having political differences between them, and they may agree to avoid the topic because they know it's a sore spot. But other couples have simply never asked, and one or both partners may be reluctant to do so because they're worried about the new information they may glean about each other.

A person's political views are often representative of their core values. Someone's political beliefs—as well as who they're drawn to vote for in elections—can tell you a lot about who they are, how they view the world, and what they care about.

"It's possible that learning who your partner is voting for will open a deeper, more authentic conversation between you, particularly if you approach it with genuine curiosity," Muñoz says.

It's also worth noting that not being able to talk to your partner about how you're feeling about a huge, often anxiety-inducing national event can be very lonely, particularly in the middle of a pandemic-induced mental health crisis. And being able to talk about the tough stuff is part of creating closeness in relationships.

On the flip side, if you're consciously avoiding the topic of politics with your partner because you're worried that you might disagree with each other, that can be a sign that you don't fully know each other—and that you'd rather live with a fantasy version of your partner than actually know the truth of who they are.

It might also be a sign that you don't feel fully safe in your relationship, Muñoz adds.

Having opposing political views might be a deal-breaker for you—which is OK. That's actually all the more reason for you to have the conversation with your partner sooner rather than later. Avoiding the conversation because you're worried you might need to end the relationship only prolongs the inevitable, keeps you in a relationship that's ultimately not right for you, and hurts you both in the long run.

This is also true if you think your views might be a deal-breaker for your partner. If you're hiding who you are to keep your partner from breaking up with you, you're building a relationship based on lies—which isn't fair for you and definitely isn't fair for your partner.

All that said, it's possible for couples to have different political views and still have a functional relationship. "There are huge benefits to having this conversation with each other, particularly if you can manage your emotions well and 'just listen' as your partner shares, rather than get reactive," Muñoz says. "If your partner is voting differently from you, you may learn more about them, their fears, their insecurities, and their vulnerabilities by finding out why they're choosing a particular candidate."

Even if you know you can't be in a relationship with someone who doesn't share your core values—and that's valid—there may still be benefits to having an open conversation with this person you care about, even if you're not going to continue to be in a romantic relationship with one another.