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I've spent most of this past year emotionally invested in a person, thinking it would lead to real, lasting romance.
True to my nature, I ignored every red flag, often reading into texts more then I should have.
I played up situations in my mind, assuming the other person was on the same page.
This all changed last week, when I suddenly saw things clearly.
I was infatuated: head over heals in the deep sea of lustland with an emotionally unavailable man.
It seems I keep attracting the wrong men.
After leaving a romantic relationship almost a year ago, I declared my self-single and happy, but secretly hoping my new love interest would take notice.
Months later, I am still waiting for the man I thought could be The One to notice me.
If you are waiting for anyone to change, or notice you, move on! Quickly, run away as fast as you can.
As Oprah says, "When someone tells you who they are, believe them."
I painted pretty pictures of us moving to Hawaii together and living happily ever after with our golden retrievers and surf boards.
I was jolted back to reality when 10 months later, I am still waiting. In recognizing that I have been obsessed with emotionally unavailable men, I had to ask myself, Why am I attracted to men who aren’t ready to commit? Why do I keep repeating this pattern?
My inner voice chimed in and said, "We only accept the love we think we deserve."
If you find yourself wrapped up in an emotionally unavailable person, it's okay. The best thing to do is get clear about your desires and let the person go. In doing this, you can make space for the right person. You are amazing and perfect just the way you are. Don't allow anyone in your life to make you feel different.
Here are 5 signs that you may be attracted to an emotionally unavailable person.
1. You give more than you receive.
When dating or investing your time with an emotional unavailable person you may find yourself giving a lot more then you get. Whether you buy gifts, pay for dinner ALL the time, or they never say thank you, you are really never going to see the return on your investment. Do not wait around hoping they will change and suddenly shower you with flowers, love and attention. Do yourself a favor and move on quickly.
2. They don't show up for you.
Whether you have a work event, a new promotion to celebrate or a book release party, if the person you care about isn't showing up to support you then they are emotionally closed off. People who really care will make it happen and show up for you...no matter what.
3. They are poor communicators.
If your love interest doesn’t pick up the phone or give you a clear answer when you talk this is a red flag. If they only use text message to communicate with you this is another red flag.
4. They are full of excuses and indecisive.
If you try to make plans with an emotional unavailable person, it's like trying to catch a fish with your bare hands, slippery and frustrating. They may be busy, tired, stressed overworked, or broke .... Whatever the reason, their excuses mean they are not open to long lasting love or an intimate connection at this time. Move along.
5. They talk about their past A LOT.
If you find yourself in love with an emotional unavailable person, red flags pop up all the time. The one most women skip over is the way and how often they talk about their exes. If there is any animosity, anger or sadness surrounding their exes, they have not healed completely.