6 Things I've Learned From Being Pregnant In 4 Countries

I have received prenatal care on three continents in four countries: China, the United States, Italy, and the Netherlands. My son was conceived in China, and I spent my first trimester working in Shanghai, followed by a summer in New York City, before moving to Milan, where he was born. I am now halfway through my second pregnancy and, assuming all goes as planned, my daughter will be born in Amsterdam, where my Dutch husband and I recently moved.

This is a universal truth: As soon as you are pregnant, no matter where you are in the world, everyone will offer some well-intentioned (and often unsolicited) advice. And this advice is often conflicting. In China, most women try to move as little as possible when expecting—pregnant women are seen as delicate; in contrast, my Dutch midwife emphasizes the importance of regular exercise, saying I can continue to run as long as I'm comfortable and encouraging me to do prenatal yoga. In the U.S., pregnant women are told to avoid sushi; in Japan, I hear you'd be hard-pressed to find someone who doesn't think raw fish is good for a fetus. In Italy, I was told drinking espresso is fine, whereas in the U.S., I was told to switch to decaf.

What worked best for me amid all these conflicting ideas was to go with the flow and to not make a big deal about my opinions. I found this made it easier to open space for a conversation, and it also took the focus off my choices, which I found more comfortable.

When we finally accepted that our breech baby boy was not turning and we had to schedule a cesarean section, my husband and I were surprised to discover that the standard in Italy for C-sections is 38 weeks. In the U.S. and the Netherlands, our respective countries, the standard is 39 weeks.

My weight is not mentioned or measured in Holland. I'm sure if I were gaining too much or too little, there would be some swift and efficient response, but so far it's been a nonissue. This seems to be the way things are done here, allowing the pregnancy to progress naturally unless there is a problem. I was initially taken aback by this, as I was always weighed at every checkup in China, the U.S., and Italy.

At my first meeting with my midwife (it's standard to see a midwife rather than a doctor), I kept waiting to be asked to step on a scale or to give blood. In Italy and China, I'd had so many blood tests done, I never knew what was being tested.

It can be a challenge in any culture, even your own, to express your wishes and advocate for yourself. But it's important. Being an advocate also means being informed. For example, I didn't know that my Italian hospital wouldn't allow my husband into the delivery room with me until I was being wheeled into the operating room and he was told to wait in another room. It all happened very fast, and we never even had a chance to properly say goodbye. I wish I had known the policy in advance. Then I would have been prepared to be in the operating room without my husband and saved myself quite a bit of stress.