When most of my clients want to improve their communication skills at home or at work, they focus on how to better handle conflict. They want to have more empathy, to avoid being critical, or to make Read
But, contrary to the cultural message, we're not amazing because of what we do but because of who we are. Each one of you is a spark of love that extends beyond the boundaries of your human body. You come from love and you'll return to love. And it's this love that, when listened and tended to, informs your creative actions. It's the love that powers the creativity that leads to innovation.
In the beginning, we know this. We're born with complete knowledge of the love that we are. But then, because of the wounds of our caregivers, our medical and educational systems, and the culture at large, we forget. Their wounds are a result of their own forgotten magnificence, which then leads them to create systems and styles based on fear and control. The erroneous and damaging beliefs we form about ourselves are handed down inter-generationally: I'm not enough. There's something wrong with me. I'm broken. I'm unlovable.
In her beautiful book, Dying to be Me, Anita Moorjani writes:
"Our true magnificence exists right now!
"Only when we love ourselves unconditionally, accepting ourselves as the magnificent creatures we are with great respect and compassion, can we ever hope to offer the same to anyone else. Cherishing the self comes first, and caring for others is the inevitable outcome."
When I'm sitting with clients, I'm not interested in what they do for a living; in fact, most times I don't even ask unless it naturally arises in the course of the conversation. I'm interested in who they are, their intrinsic and inviolable qualities that are unchanging and unchangeable: their kindness, their humor, their depth of soul, the images that arise from their dreams and unconscious, their sadness and joy, their experience of being alive.
Over time and held within the container of compassion, they, too begin to see their intrinsic wholeness and have a direct experience that there's nothing broken, nothing "wrong," nothing disordered, nothing that needs to be fixed or changed. In fact, it's only when we truly accept ourselves as we are that a natural and organic change can arise. We change not to "get better" but to return to who we were all along.
Likewise, when I look at my children, I don't place conditions on my loving. I love them not because of anything they will do or one day achieve, not because of the way they look, play, share or not share, not for being "good boys," which means conforming and squeezing themselves into the social and cultural expectations of desired behavior - but because of who they are.
I love you because I love you, I often say to them. They know that they don't need to prove themselves or earn my love, and within this container of acceptance and attunement, they have the freedom to be the intrinsically thoughtful, kind, creative, expressive beings that they naturally are.
This is true for all human beings.
You are worthy not because of what you do but because of who are you.
You are good at your core.
You are born whole and are still whole.
You are loved.
When you first excavate and then shed the lies that you've absorbed and believed about yourself, you will remember who are you, and from that place of true self-love you will remember why you're here. This is the most important work you can do, not only for yourself, your relationships, and your community, but for the entire planet. It's time to remember who are you are.
Photo Credit: Shutterstock.com
To learn more about how to have a great relationship, check out our video course How To Have The Greatest Relationship Of Your Life.