Making Peace With A Lost Year: How I'm Processing The Grief Of 2020

If you've come to the end of 2020 feeling sad, lost, angry, lonely, exhausted, or any combination of the above, I promise you're not alone. We're living, as we keep being reminded, through unprecedented times that have been embodied by loss. 

Grief is a very natural, and important, human response to such loss. I consider the feeling of grief to be an emotional reminder that our world—on a micro or macro level—has changed. As such, I believe that it can inspire us to adapt accordingly. After all, we humans are inherently, phenomenally resilient; we bounce back from the most terrifying and devastating events imaginable. But that doesn't make it easy.

Furthermore, many of the losses that we're experiencing right now are "ambiguous" losses—they lack clarity or closure. They can leave us perpetually searching for answers, which makes it even harder to move forward into the future, let alone grieve what's passed.

In order to adapt in a healthy way following a loss, I've found that it's essential to allow myself to feel my grief—to be honest and open about my feelings and give myself space, time, and compassion to acknowledge, digest, and absorb.

It's only by doing this that we can make peace with our losses and move forward with our lives. This doesn't mean dwelling in your grief, letting it consume you like quicksand, but it does mean venturing into emotional depths (of sadness, anger, grief, et al.) that you may otherwise be inclined to avoid.

Many of the normal rituals and outlets for our grief have not been available this year. From traditional funerals (one of the many instances Zoom really falls short of the mark) to the simple pleasures of a night out with friends; a packed, sweaty yoga class; a big family meal; or an impromptu weekend away—it all disappeared overnight.

The experience of grief is physical. Our bodies are hugely affected by loss, even if we're not consciously aware of it. Moving physically has helped me "move" through grief, giving me the space to release emotions.

Like many difficult emotions, grief can hijack the imagination, filling it with catastrophic ideas. These "worst-case" predictions of further future losses ignite the stress response and leave us in an even greater state of fear and anxiety.

It's natural for friendships and relationships to change, particularly during times of upheaval or stress. However, I'm trying to hold on to my relationships and not let them wither due to lack of attention.

Keep checking in on people who may need it (read: everyone) and find workable ways to keep your meaningful connections strong and healthy. I prefer phone conversations, park walks (if possible), and writing letters over social media comments and text messages.

As things start to return to normal, for most of us life will also return to some kind of normal. However, there will be a subset of people for whom life has been monumentally disrupted. Keep checking in on your friends and family. And if you or someone you know is struggling intensely with grief and loss, please seek out professional support.