Most of us know that conflict management skills often determine the health of a relationship. In other words, the major difference between happy and unhappy couples often comes down to how they deal Read
I get hundreds of emails a week from people telling me all sorts of things and asking for advice. I'm not a therapist, nor do I pretend to be. I am, however, someone committed to being honest and authentic, and it seems to be that there is a yearning for honesty. A craving for people to tell it like it is.
Last week I got one about self-sabotage, which I'll share anonymously below. I addressed it in my video blog because it struck such a chord in me.
I thought, "How did I stop self-sabotaging?" Let me be frank here: I used to be the Queen of Self-Sabotage Land.
I thought about it. I realized that with each new laugh line and circle around the sun, I've gotten a bit wiser. I also realized that one day I woke up and said, "Enough. I have banged my head against this same wall so many times and I am done. I have hit my head against this low ceiling enough times already. I am moving to a place with higher ceilings."
It occurred to me, however, that some people never tire themselves of hitting their head on the same low ceiling.
Once in a while, I catch myself doing things that are self-sabotaging. I think there's some deep subconscious belief that I don't deserve to be happy, so I try and make that come to fruition. However, the difference is that I actually catch myself and don't fall into these habits anymore.
Here's the letter that was sent to me:
I do it in every aspect of my life. Personal, career, emotional and physical health... I feel like every time I get 2 steps forward, I do something impulsive or perhaps subconscious to sabotage whatever has been working in my life.
For example, I get healthy, I get in shape, I gain muscle, I feel good and then something else in my life will trigger me toward a downward spiral of becoming sedentary and starving myself till I lose every ounce of muscle I worked so hard to gain. I repeat this cycle in my romantic relationships too.
I have no idea why I felt the need to tell you that. You inspire something in me to open up, I guess. Please keep this private if you decide to address it in your vlog.
Thank you, Self Sabotager.
Dear Self Sabotager,
I deserve to be happy. You deserve to be happy. It is absolutely our birthright and anytime that voice in your head suggests otherwise, you must say to it: Bullsh*t. This is an untruth.
You must call B.S. on this low-ceilinged belief that good things can't last for you. That you don't deserve to be happy. No one else can call B.S. on this. You have to be the one that moves to a place with higher ceilings and then let youself expand. And expand.
Please feel free to send me an email with a question for me to use in a Video Blog. Everything remains anonymous.
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