You Deserve Happiness, Not Self-Sabotage

I get hundreds of emails a week from people telling me all sorts of things and asking for advice. I'm not a therapist, nor do I pretend to be. I am, however, someone committed to being honest and authentic, and it seems to be that there is a yearning for honesty. A craving for people to tell it like it is. 

Last week I got one about self-sabotage, which I'll share anonymously below. I addressed it in my video blog because it struck such a chord in me. 

I thought, "How did I stop self-sabotaging?" Let me be frank here: I used to be the Queen of Self-Sabotage Land.

I thought about it. I realized that with each new laugh line and circle around the sun, I've gotten a bit wiser. I also realized that one day I woke up and said, "Enough. I have banged my head against this same wall so many times and I am done. I have hit my head against this low ceiling enough times already. I am moving to a place with higher ceilings."

It occurred to me, however, that some people never tire themselves of hitting their head on the same low ceiling. 

Once in a while, I catch myself doing things that are self-sabotaging. I think there's some deep subconscious belief that I don't deserve to be happy, so I try and make that come to fruition. However, the difference is that I actually catch myself and don't fall into these habits anymore. 

Here's the letter that was sent to me:

Dear Jen, 

I do it in every aspect of my life. Personal, career, emotional and physical health... I feel like every time I get 2 steps forward, I do something impulsive or perhaps subconscious to sabotage whatever has been working in my life. 

For example, I get healthy, I get in shape, I gain muscle, I feel good and then something else in my life will trigger me toward a downward spiral of becoming sedentary and starving myself till I lose every ounce of muscle I worked so hard to gain. I repeat this cycle in my romantic relationships too. 

I have no idea why I felt the need to tell you that. You inspire something in me to open up, I guess. Please keep this private if you decide to address it in your vlog.

Thank you, Self Sabotager.

Dear Self Sabotager,

I deserve to be happy. You deserve to be happy. It is absolutely our birthright and anytime that voice in your head suggests otherwise, you must say to it: Bullsh*t. This is an untruth. 

You must call B.S. on this low-ceilinged belief that good things can't last for you. That you don't deserve to be happy. No one else can call B.S. on this. You have to be the one that moves to a place with higher ceilings and then let youself expand. And expand.


Please feel free to send me an email with a question for me to use in a Video Blog. Everything remains anonymous. 


Photo Credit: Shutterstock.com


To learn more about happiness or relationships, check out our video courses How To Create More Happiness & Meaning In Your Life With Charlie Knoles and How To Have The Greatest Relationship Of Your Life.
About the Author

Jen Pastiloff is a writer living on an airplane. She travels the world with her signature Manifestation Yoga: On Being Human workshop/retreat. Featured in New York Magazine, Oprah.com & Good Morning America and published on Salon, Jezebel, The Rumpus, xojane, among others. Next retreat with availability: Labor Day in Ojai, Calif. Attend a workshop in your city by visiting jenniferpastiloff.com. Upcoming: Seattle, Los Angeles & London & Dallas.

Visit Jen's blog The Manifest-Station. On Facebook, Twitter & Instagram both at @jenpastiloff .

She & author Emily Rapp's Vermont writing retreat Oct 2014.

Jen is The Inspiration & Wellness expert for the new magazine Reimagine. Next up is Seattle in May.

All workshops listed here. The Manifestation Yoga® Workshop is an experience about life: unpredictable, sometimes messy, beautiful, human. Jen is currently finishing her first book, a memoir.

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