The Zen of Wholeness: Overcoming the Fear Of Rejection
Have you ever suffered through that sick feeling of dread in your stomach?
Dread that wells up — a combination of fullness and emptiness — and lodges itself right at the top of your throat?
Dread that unearths you, constricts you, drains you of your life force, and scares you to death?
Perhaps this dread is your looming payments? Maybe a deadline you simply don’t know how you’ll meet? A multitude of circumstances can activate dread-induced fear within you. And today, I want to free you from a major source of fear:
Your fear of rejection.
Let me guess — you’ve been hurt. You’ve been neglected. You’ve been dumped. Life seems to have dealt you a myriad of seemingly real reasons why you are not good enough and why you inevitably will get hurt again.
What are your options? How will you respond?
Will you run? Will you build walls? Will you shut down so pain cannot permeate your silken cocoon?
If you’re like me, you’ll try all of the above. I have shivered inside from the terror of someone making me feel worthless. I have avoided life because of the trepidation that has steered me along the safer path.
And ultimately, I paid a price. We all do.
For me the price was behaving in a manner incongruent with my belief in the goodness of others.
How could I fervently believe that we are all perfect, beautiful creations and yet view another person — my potential oppressor/rejector — as anyone less loving? Where was the harmony in my grand vision of Life and Spirit if I acted from smallness and fear?
It’s out the window now.
In order to live in Peace, we need to act in alignment with our core beliefs. They aren’t only for dinner-time debates or student rallies.
The way I see it, we’re all perfect. Most of us cruise or stumble through this life behaving far less than perfect. But in essence, you truly are pure flawlessness. Yet, in buying into the myth of rejection, you dispel the Truth that you have nothing in you to reject.
Fear — your Ego — is what dominates your actions. And that spells a crash course to disaster. It’s like handing over the reins of your chariot to an insecure two year old who’s throwing a complete temper tantrum.
What you need to do in those times of anxiety is come back to the middle. Gather the fraying bits of your Self that are wispy, vibrating in the winds of uncertainty, and threatening — i.e., your disappearance. Because that’s how being in this state can feel.
Like you are disappearing into a well of nothingness; as if you are insignificant, worthless and invisible and waiting to be sucked into a black hole. A black hole where You do not exist.
Why? Because you gave the power to another to reflect your worth. You have allowed somebody else’s complexities and insecurities to set your value.
And in truth, all that’s really happened is he or she is projecting his or her own baggage. And maybe even hooking onto your own self-rejection. But I’ve done it. And you have to.
So come back to your middle.
Assemble the wisps of Self and gather them into the container of your Soul — your Body. Literally, envision all the strands that overwhelm you being reeled in and housed in a transparent container that encapsulates you.
You will feel safer; more solid and less exposed.
And then, please remember this: You are perfect. The light of your Essence — and everybody else’s — is flawless and can never be rejected. That light within you, that ball or spiral of love energy is connected to me and everything else.
Yes, your behavior and mine is sometimes downright ugly. But that is behavior. That is your Ego-driven, Fear-propelled response to situations.
Your core is Whole and Gorgeous!
And when another person treats you in a way — or when you treat another in a way — that appears to be ‘rejecting’, someone has simply forgotten this connection we share; this perfection you both are.
Hold that thought, Nurture that knowledge.
As with seeds, those that receive the correct light and water grow. So too, the beliefs that you nurture and feed cultivate your perception and your reality.
Tend to your garden with love. Plow and reap with the knowledge that rejection is a fear-based, ego-driven illusion.
Dissociate your reality from false beliefs of separation and unworthiness.
Face the anxiety of not being good enough with the knowledge that you truly are good enough but bogus beliefs are masking your experience. It is not Truth that separates you; it is the illusion of separation.
Each time I connect with my Courage and am willing to remember these crucial facts, I grow and love more.
I offer you these words with Love so that you, too, might inherently know and experience this place of Wholeness and Peace where I oftentimes reside — and occasionally still need to enter.
About the Author
Sheryl Paul, counselor and bestselling author, gives you the tools to transform a good relationship into the best relationship of your life.view course
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