The One Change I Made To Help Manage My Depression & Anxiety

It’s commonly known that alcohol is a "depressant"—but the truth about how alcohol affects someone who suffers from depression is not often discussed.

For more than 17 years, I suffered from depression. I’ve been on all types of medication. Most recently, a combination of three: Wellbutrin, escitalopram, and Xanax. Medication had become part of my life, and I made peace with needing it. I understood there was a chemical imbalance in my brain, one I was likely born with, and accepted the reality of needing medication—quite possibly for the rest of my life.

When I sought treatment for depression, my drinking habits were never under scrutiny. In some ways the opposite was true; I often drank to deal with stress and anxiety. And it's easy to see why: alcohol has an elevated place in our society; drinking is not only acceptable but socially encouraged.

It wasn’t until after I stopped drinking, and my anxiety and depression began to ease, that I sought to understand the connection.

Since I hadn't connected my drinking with my depression, it wasn't immediately apparent why my depression and anxiety symptoms began to lift in the months after I stopped drinking. I met with my doctor, with the intention of exploring taking a lighter dose. She asked me what changes I’d made that might be bringing about an improvement. When I mentioned that I had stopped drinking, she immediately made the connection. I was surprised to learn what a profound effect drinking alcohol had had on my mental health.

When I was drinking I thought about drinking a lot: When can I have drink? What should I drink? How much is too much? What did I drink last night? What did I say last night? Why do I feel so bad this morning?

I was experiencing a huge amount of internal conflict about drinking. I wanted to be drinking less, yet whenever I turned down a drink I felt deprived. I’d come to believe alcohol was vital for having a good time, relaxing, and even for addressing bouts of anxiety. When I drank less I felt miserable, and when I drank more I felt miserable.

Alcohol had the ability, in the very short term, to numb feelings of stress and anxiety. I often used alcohol to self-medicate, as a short-term fix for a stressful day or anxious feelings. In fact, a 2012 study suggests that alcohol can actually makes you less capable of dealing with stress and anxiety.

I am happier and healthier without alcohol. The best part is the freedom and empowerment that come from knowing that I don’t need alcohol in my life. The beauty of this life is that we were created with everything we need inside us. In my experience, alcohol did nothing to contribute to my well-being; in fact, it was holding me back.