On the journey of manifesting partnership, especially if we’ve adhered to the rules of the superstitious "Think it and you will see it" version of manifesting so prevalent these days, not getting what we want can be extremely frustrating—yet it's an all-too-frequent occurrence. So frequent, in fact, that we begin to doubt that manifesting our perfect partner is possible.
The old paradigm would have us believe that if we repeat our affirmations, think only good thoughts, and focus only on what we want, our darling in shining armor will arrive. Yet so often, that is not the case. We try to remain rooted in the same patterns and thus end up with the same types of partners. Too frequently we work hard to manifest healthy partnership only to lament not getting what we want.
In reality, we are getting what we want.
I'm sure that like many of my manifesting clients you are thinking that you didn’t want to be cheated on. That you didn’t want a noncommittal partner coming in and out of your life. There's no way you wanted to be single for the past three years. And you're right that you did not consciously ask for any of that—but your subconscious did.
The truth is the reason that we have what we do is because on some level, some part of us feels like that's all we're worthy of.
The functions of manifesting.
There is a generative, feminine aspect of the self that we have within us regardless of what sex we align with. Whereas our conscious will, where the ego of self-identity resides, wants the yummy, good things that life has to offer, our subconscious wants the length and the width of this human experience. This includes the messy, emotional, and heartbreaking aspects of life.
The battle between our conscious will and our subconscious desires is not really a battle at all since our generative subconscious wins every time, but the gap between the two is why we remain caught in relational patterns that loop over and over again.
Why the gap?
The subconscious is the home of the beliefs that inform our lives. Beliefs bred from the modeling we were exposed to from our parents/caretakers, peers, community, and media as well as our experiences throughout this formative period of our lives between utero and 14. When wounds are created, and we are exposed to toxic modeling, this is imprinted upon us and programs our brains with these beliefs, which then creates a loop that we repeat over and over and over again throughout our lives.
To explain this process further, let me tell you about a client of mine who struggled to leave her husband despite no longer being in love, feeling mistreated and craving healthy partnership in her life. She resisted the notion entirely that subconscious beliefs from her youth could affect her today.
She boasted about having great parents and a pretty "normal" upbringing. And yet through digging and exploring her subconscious, she unearthed a memory of a peer telling her in the sixth grade that she was not good enough for someone she was interested in because he was "too nice for her." This unknowingly created a belief and thus a program in my client’s brain that she was unworthy of nice men. She reflected and could see how this belief shaped the type of man she would seek out in all of her previous relationships. This explains why, despite her husband horribly mistreating her, she felt she had no choice but to resign herself to a life with this abuse. She simply didn’t believe that she was worthy of a nice guy. As we rooted out this belief and helped her to create new programming, she was able to finally leave her husband and find a relationship that was healthy, loving, and respectful.
She could not leave until she changed this programming because of the rejection of her conscious will by her subconscious beliefs and desires. If we equate the generative quality of the subconscious with the womb, then the conscious will is the seed. If the conscious will differs from the subconscious belief, it is rejected. It is our subconscious beliefs that program the brain to accept only information and experiences that align with our beliefs. Anything that comes our way that does not fit that mental paradigm is rejected.
Why we believe we are—and aren't—worthy of certain things.
Each one of us, regardless of where we come from or how good or bad we would characterize our formative years, have encountered imprints and modeling that have given life to our beliefs about who we are and what we are worthy and capable of. Many of these beliefs hold us back and hinder our expansiveness in all areas of life but especially our romantic relationships.
And it is these beliefs that subconsciously inform the present reality we are living. A belief on the subconscious level is a continuous loop that has us stuck in patterns related to our relationships and our interaction with romantic partners. Peeling back the layers of these subconscious beliefs remains a crucial step in stopping the patterns by uncovering the subconscious beliefs and creating new programming that allows for what we desire to manifest romantically to come to fruition. In other words, with the right mindset, you can manifest the partner of your dreams. I believe in you.
Want a concrete guide to manifesting your dream relationship? Here's a five-step guide.
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