24 Ways To Actually Support LGBTQ+ People In 2020

We reached out to LGBTQ+ mental health experts, activists, content creators, and business owners to share concrete actions that anyone can take to support LGBTQ+ people. Here's what they told us:

"Don't be ashamed if you don't know everything already; just make sure you take the time to educate yourself. This could also include paying someone to educate you, attending workshops, reading LGBTQ+-competent books, etc."

"To be an ally, you need to learn about LGBTQ+ history," says therapist Michael Salas, Psy.D., LPC, CST. "This can help you be aware of rhetoric and current affairs that matter. But even more importantly, it can help you understand why these issues matter to people who are part of the community. To me, this is the difference between tolerance and true acceptance. Making LGBTQ+ history a general history that has impacted us all rather than something that only LGBTQ+ people need to be aware of."

"Give people the choice to share their pronouns," adds Kenya Crawford, LMHC, mental health counselor and co-founder of On the Mend. "Everyone may not feel comfortable sharing their pronouns in every space. For example, 'My pronouns are she/they. If you feel safe, feel free to share your pronouns.'"

Most women don't "prefer" to use she/her pronouns, for example. Those are just their correct pronouns. This same principle applies to people of all genders.

"While having a basic understanding of identities like 'gay,' 'pansexual,' and 'nonbinary' is important, these stock definitions are like a ZIP code; they give you only a general idea of someone's experience," they explain. "Every person has their own experience of 'gay,' 'pansexual,' 'nonbinary,' or any other identity. The real work is not in memorizing dictionary entries but in building trusting relationships with LGBTQ folks who will feel safe to share their experience with you."

"Operate from good faith, and assume good faith," Valentin says. "We're all in this together."

"If someone shares their pronouns with you, take the time not only to practice (on your own) using these pronouns in a sentence but to really see that person the way they see themselves," Malina adds. "Trans and nonbinary folks often know when you're getting the words 'right' but still not seeing them as their gender. Plus, shifting your internal understanding of a person's gender will probably make using their correct pronouns much easier!"

Kahn adds, "Many LGBTQ+ orgs need volunteers and donations. A one-time donation is a fantastic gift. An even better gift is a recurring monthly donation so that organizations can count on your money every month and use it to continue their work."

Three ways to do that, directly from Mere Abrams, LCSW, a therapist and consultant focused on gender and identity: 

"Have them in real positions of power. Don't have them be token people or just have them there to inform the powers that be or be there just to educate," Rachel Winard, founder and president of Soapwalla, told mbg last year. "Have people who don't look like you, haven't had your life experiences in every possible way, be in those positions so you can hear what they need."

"Any corporation who is using a rainbow logo or any corporation who is doing any type of Pride stuff or if you're a coffee shop and you're making a rainbow latte and you're selling it, you're essentially making money off this community," Bethany C. Meyers, LGBTQ+ activist and founder of the be.come project, told mbg in an interview last year. "Therefore money should be given back to the community."

Voting and civic engagement are one of the most important ways to support trans people: Vote out politicians who support discriminatory laws against trans people, and call up your local officials to demand they push forward legal protections for trans rights. 

You can also donate to black trans funds such as The Marsha P. Johnson Institute.

"Everyone is at risk of being bullied, but LGBTQ+ individuals face more hostile situations," explain bloggers Nicholas Fronduto and Anthony Nicolo. "Schools need to take more action regarding anti-LGBT behaviors/biases and work proactively to ensure more inclusive environments. Some students do not feel safe at their school because nothing is being done regarding bullying. Words can definitely have a negative effect on others, so we all need to be more cautious of what we say and do."

Avoid words like "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" when talking about other people’s relationships too, says Crawford, unless you know those are the terms they use. Otherwise, spring for a gender-neutral label like "partner."

"When you know or have met a person who identifies as LGBTQ+, know that you have only met one such individual," says Symonne Kennedy, LMSW, psychotherapist at The Gender & Sexuality Therapy Center. "Allies can really show support by not assuming that we all have somehow lived the same life, have the same goals, enjoy the same interests, etc. Rather than trying to assume and defend, try instead to listen and befriend, as you would with any other member of a given community."

"No matter what culture we have grown up in, we have all been subject to the idea of gender roles. Allies can show support by making a conscious effort to unlearn the stereotypes that prescribe specific gender scripts and undermine gender expression and individualized identity formation," Kennedy explains. "It may be helpful to remember that LGBTQ+-identified individuals have grown up in the same world as everyone else and therefore may also be working to unlearn these stereotypes."

"Every queer person is different, and we all have different languages of apology, so I don't speak for everyone. I do think it's fair to say that, generally, we don't want to hear excuses or explanations, and we don't want a self-flagellating apology that puts us in a position to soothe straight or cis people. The best method is typically to apologize, correct yourself, move on, and do better in the future. If you need to process your mistake, or want to learn ways to do better, do NOT ask the person you have harmed. Go to someone you know is a great ally or a professional who you can pay to help you with that work. It isn't a queer person's job to educate you."

"Let marginalized communities lead the way. You are there for support, so make sure you are listening to and amplifying the voices of others. Make sure you're not just listening to your fellow allies. Allyship is based around the folks you claim to be an ally to. This means listening more than you talk in spaces, educating yourself, and promoting community leaders," says Kahn.

"Being out is not a simple decision for a lot of folks, and this is not a choice you can make for someone else," says Kahn.

"If you're straight and you're an ally—or you're straight and you want to be an ally, and you don't know, and you don't want to mess up so you don't try—just ask. Just ask. Ask any questions. That's the only way you'll ever get the opportunity to understand," Winard said. "And then listen. Listen to the answers."

"Being a good ally means showing up for the community when you do not even know if anyone in the community is present to see you do it," says sex educator and trauma specialist Jimanekia Eborn. "It is important to be an ally and accomplice at all times. And even more when no one is around."

Khan adds, "Being an ally is an action, not a title. It's not something you are. It's something you do. Don't let your allyship begin and end here. Keep growing, learning, and fighting!"

"Not doing anything is almost as bad as doing something negative," Houston ballet soloist Harper Watters last year told mbg. "Put yourself outside of your comfort zone. Put yourself into the uncertainty. Always something really good, I feel, happens from that. By not participating in something, you're still affecting someone. Small acts of kindness or change will make a greater change."