If You're Struggling To Become A Mother, This Is For You

I first started my journey to become a mother about six years ago, and from the beginning I knew the process would be a complicated one. I had been diagnosed with a rare form of cancer, chronic myeloid leukemia (CML), and it was what my doctor called the "good" kind of cancer—meaning I could take a pill that would keep my cancer under control, and I wouldn't have to go through chemo.

I wasn't expecting to have a hard time my first Mother's Day after the pregnancy loss. I'm typically not sentimental about Mother's Day, so I thought I'd be fine. But I remember suddenly erupting in tears, not really understanding why it was a trigger. Having that day to meditate on motherhood and all I wanted for my future family was extremely difficult.

The one thing that finally helped me start shifting my perspective was the phrase "liminal space." It's a term used in literature and psychology to describe a time when nothing is happening. Liminality is the in-between moments, the space between an inciting incident in a story and a resolution. It is often a period of discomfort, of waiting, and of transformation.

So I finally got to the place where I realized, I WILL find a family. By entering the adoption process, there will be a child at the end. But right now, I'm in this liminal space. Embracing the idea of liminal space was what helped me get through the subsequent Mother's Days before we finally adopted our son in February 2017. And on that day, all the waiting and uncertainty was absolutely worth it.

For anyone who's going through something even slightly similar to my own experience: You are not alone. My encouragement to you is to find your support system. Maybe that's someone who's gone through something similar, or maybe it's a dear friend or family member. But lean on each other, and listen. Reflect on liminal space. Instead of trying to fix, identify emotions and sit in them together. Even though it can be hard to take initiative when you’re hurting, it can be life-saving.

There are so many different journeys to motherhood, with their many twists and turns. Each one of them is unique and beautiful. My heart is with you today, wherever you are in your story.