Why Conflict Is Essential To A Healthy Relationship + 7 Ways To Strengthen Intimacy Even When You're Fighting

People worry this might mean their relationships are falling apart or that they're not as compatible as they once thought. But that's looking at things the wrong way.

Here are some simple tips for how to reignite the magic in your relationship:

Before work. (And yes, before children.)

This ignites the cuddle hormone—providing your brain with oxytocin—that bonds you to your partner and makes you feel attached and safe. A 20-second hug gives you a dopamine rush that helps you feel in love with your partner.

Get out of your rut or comfort zone by changing up your routines for some added stimulation and surprise. Trying new things with your partner bonds you in a new way—especially when your activities are adrenaline boosters like watching a scary movie, taking a risk of some kind (for example, cutting out early from work for a little afternoon delight?), or doing something that scares you (like riding a roller coaster).

This means no emails, texts, and phone calls about non-emergent things. Giving yourselves some time away from each other encourages an air of mystery and gives you the chance to start yearning for when you reunite with your beloved at night. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be thinking about your partner. Think about your partner several times during your workday—but challenge yourself to focus on only the positives. I suspect that by not talking to each other all day every day, you'll begin to focus, naturally, on the things about your partner that you love—the things you miss when you aren't in contact.

This is a time to reconnect and talk about your days, dreams, or interests. You've been away from each other all day, and this is your chance to just revel in each other's presence. Do it every night, without fail. It can last more than 10 minutes, if you both wish, but 10 minutes should be your baseline. During this time, there should be no discussion of problems, scheduling, or your children.

Even if it's only an hour a day or week, you need alone time—both of you. A lack of space and insufficient time apart is one of the biggest frustrations in marriages. You both had lives before you found each other. It can be easy to start giving up hobbies and interests in that first flush of a relationship, when you want to be with your partner all the time. But when those hormones settle, you'll want those outlets for individual growth and recreation. Not only do you need this for yourself, but when you allow for time apart, it improves your relationship. You're less likely to get bored with your partner, and those solo pursuits enhance your time together because you have more to share.

Want more insight into your relationship? Find out the things you should always be selfish about in your partnerships and the questions that could keep your marriage from ending.