20 Signs You're A Wellness Junkie (Hilarious)
When do you go from being someone who is "kinda-into-health" to becoming a full-on wellness warrior? Is it after you take a hard line on soy? Cure a cough with a yoga pose? Sustain a daily gratitude practice? Who knows? And really, (I say this mindfully), who cares? Life is so much better with an abundance of chia seeds, deep breaths, and nontoxic cleaning products!
Here are 20 signs (quite possibly from the Universe!) that you, too, are way into wellness.
1. You could hypothetically eat all your beauty products.
Your kitchen and bathroom contain all the same ingredients. In fact, if it weren’t for the shower, you couldn’t tell them apart.
2. You don't set goals, only intentions.
And then you manifest them.
3. You forget, in casual conversation, that not everyone knows what a Vitamix is.
It’s soooo much more than "an expensive blender," but you haven't found a succinct way to say that convincingly.
4. There are no plastic containers in your kitchen—only mason jars.
If we can all agree on one thing, it's that BPA is the worst. Besides, how else would you transport your organic juice?
5. You know at least one person who goes by his spiritual name.
You can’t pronounce it, and he'll always be Dave to you.
6. You know acai is a 3-syllable word.
Much like OM (A-U-M).
7. You've taken a side in the juicing-versus-blending debate.
Right now you’re Team Smoothie, mostly because you love your Vitamix.
8. You have a researched, reasoned opinion on why you hate agave.
It’s evolved over time. You forget why, exactly, you're currently using honey. But really, sugar addiction by any name—fructose, glucose, whatever—hardly smells sweet. You try to pass.
9. You regularly sign professional emails with “Gratitude” or “Blessings.”
And so does everyone in your world. “Best” gives you shivers.
10. You've had an intuitive massage.
The only disturbing moment was hearing about your past life as a Civil War wife. Who knew? And while we’re on the topic, it’s called bodywork.
11. You can't look at a croissant without seeing inflammation.
Which is too bad, because you used to really enjoy gluten.
12. You have a favorite MC Yogi song.
It’s the one about Gandhi.
13. You own nutritional yeast AND you know what to do with it.
Popcorn and avocado toast are naked without it.
14. Frankly, you’re a little stressed out by corn.
It’s the next gluten …. But…. It’s a gluten-free grain. (AAAAAAAAH!)
15. Before you order in a restaurant, you ask yourself, What would Dr. Frank Lipman say?
And you know the answer: when in doubt, just eat the kale!
16. You’ve had at least one episode in which you walked into a grocery store and had no idea what to buy, because all you saw was a death trap of processed food, pesticides, hormones, sugar, and GMOs.
Gratitude for almond butter.
17. You’ve made peace with the fact that you smell like coconut oil.
What else would you use to cook, moisturize, remove makeup, floss, and fuel your car?
18. You know that six hours of sleep is a FAIL.
That’s why you have a sleep routine, followed with a glass of warm water and lemon in the morning.
19. Off the top of your head, you can name at least six uses for apple cider vinegar.
You call it “ACV.” And you can’t remember much about your toxic life before it.
20. The question you hate most is when someone asks how much you paid for your Vitamix.
It’s just worth it, OK?
Love, Blessings & Gratitude!
PS - Anthony added the "hilarious" to the title, not me :)