This Simple Practice Can Make You A Better Lover
Spending quality time with your partner can save your relationship. This may sound obvious, but it's true. I think it's important to say, because the truth is that we don't spend nearly enough quality time with people we love.
You know how fast we go. We're multitaskers and proud! With all this excessive noise, it's close to impossible to be present with one another. As you can imagine, this doesn't bode well for our relationships.
Sure, we may text our partners during the day and zone out with them on the couch at night, but are we making time to really be with them? This is an important question to ask yourself if you want to have a fulfilling relationship. Quality love cannot happen without quality time.
The reason we don't spend quality time with our loved ones is because we don't spend quality time doing most things! We're accustomed to being semi-connected to our lives. It's sad (and terrifying), but true.
We're kind of present at work, but we're also doing 40 things at once. We're kind of present with our friends, but we're also texting and updating our statuses compulsively. We're kind of present with ourselves, but our minds are going full speed. It's rare that we're sincerely connected to our lives at all, and so it is also true with our loves.
Life like this isn't enjoyable — in fact, it's completely draining! Still, we do it more than we'd like to admit. Why? Because our egos have run rampant.
The ego is the part of your mind that is overly focused on the past, future, and outside things. It cannot sit still; it's always looking for what's next. Constantly on the move. Never settled. Never in peace.
When we live in our egos, we aren't connected … period! This takes a major toll on our well-being and relationships.
There's nothing more lonely than feeling unseen while surrounded by people. Disconnection is no way to live! And we don't have to! It's time for us to stop catering to our egos and to start living quality lives. You can make it happen! Here's how:
1. Whenever you feel drained or disconnected in your relationship, take time away and connect to yourself!
Ooooh, this is a big one. It's actually one of the answers to life (I'm being serious). When we're not connected to ourselves, we cannot feel connected to anything else.
If we spend a lot of not-so-quality time with our partners, we feel unsatisfied. Inevitably we try to sooth this dissatisfaction either by checking-out further (with substances) or by grasping at our partners with the hope that they'll make us feel better.
But neither of these tactics work! They just leave us in a state of insatiable disconnection. If we don't connect to ourselves first, our interactions with others are going to feel empty.
Luckily, we all have an inner resource that can bring us back to a state of connection and grace. Call it soul, call it peace, call it truth, call it love. Call it whatever you want, but it's there and it's important for you to get to know. When you do, your life and relationships will become brimming with the good stuff.
2. Intentionally be present with your partner whenever possible.
I know, this sounds like a lot of work. But you know what's more work? Being disconnected from your partner most of the time.
We're overly drained from living such disconnected lives, so we're resistant to take extra time out to be present with our loved ones. We'd rather zone out on the couch. But guess what? The couch doesn't recharge you the way love does.
Go on a walk together. Watch the sunset. Cook a meal. Do other things (wink, wink).
Ask questions and listen to the answers. Have a conversation. Or be silent. Whatever you do, just be present. Your sense of connection will surge as a result.
3. Make an effort to be present in your life every day.
Calling upon the timeless wisdom of the guru Ferris Bueller, "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it."
Step away from the busyness of life and pay attention to what's going on in this moment.
Put your phone on silent. Close your laptop. Go outside and look around. What do you see? Smell? Hear? Feel?
What's happening right now? You might be surprised at how beautiful the world is if you allow yourself to take it in.
When we cease being semi-connected to everything and selectively connect to the things that matter, our quality of life increases dramatically. Like meditation, a little QT goes a along way. Make it a priority — it's worth it!
The next time you find yourself going a mile a minute, step back to reconnect. Take a deep breath, recharge your battery, find your source. Your heart, life and love will thank you it.
Please leave a comment below about how you plan on being present with yourself and your love today! I look forward to hearing from you!