I Hit Rock Bottom With My Eating Disorder And It Saved My Life

Written by Pauline Hanuise

At 27, I hit rock bottom. I’d been struggling with full-blown bulimia since I was 13, and my health was rapidly deteriorating. 

My teeth started to break, I lost my hair, I was anemic, I had amenorrhea, I lacked electrolytes, and my heartbeats were irregular.

I saw many doctors about these issues, but none asked if I was eating properly. None linked my poor health with food and nutrition. All I got were some pills and an expensive hair lotion that didn’t work.

Deep inside, I knew my health problems were related to my lifelong struggles with bulimia. I had already spent a year in psychotherapy, taking anti-depressants, but this was definitely not the solution.

I was looking for help and guidance, but no one was able to show me the way. I had two choices: (1) keep ignoring my illness, stay in my comfort zone, and move toward my own destruction; or (2) finally face my problem and do something about it.

I knew which option would save my life, but I also knew that facing my problem wasn’t the easiest choice. I was the only person I could rely on. Medical help wasn’t working, and my loved ones, despite their support, didn’t understand the seriousness of my illness.

At the bottom of my heart, I knew there must be more to this life than destroying myself day after day.

Of course, this was not easy. Recovering from an eating disorder doesn’t happen overnight, and this was by far the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced.

Eating disorders are such complex illnesses that even modern medicine doesn’t fully understand them. 

That’s why so many intelligent people get stuck in this kind of vicious cycle.

And yet, to recover, you have to fully understand what’s going on. You have to address different areas of your life that contributed to your illness: your childhood, your relation to food, your diet mentality, your relationship to yourself, others and to the world.

You have to review the way you process information from your environment. You have to re-learn how to eat, how it feels to be hungry, and to be full. You have to learn to set healthy boundaries and to value yourself.

So, I read all I could find about the subject. I studied holistic health and nutrition, but I also discovered self-loveyoga, body energy flows, and so much more. Most importantly, I learned how to reprogram my brain to change my deep-rooted destructive behaviors. This was definitely a long term process including different programs, techniques, and self-work such as self-hypnosis, self-love work and relapses management.

You can't fail at recovery unless you give up. 

There were happy days as well as darker ones. It wasn’t easy everyday to stay positive, but I knew light was at the end of the tunnel.

Today I am happy to say that I am totally free and recovered. I am also happier than ever before. I help women from all over the world to successfully recover from their eating issues, and it’s an incredible gift to see them improving.

If I hadn’t hit rock bottom and decided to take responsibility for my own health, well-being, and happiness, I'd probably still be struggling with food, trying to avoid my life, waiting for someone to rescue me.

I now know this is not an option. Nobody can take care of yourself except you. Nobody can make you feel good, happy or healthy. You are the only one who is responsible for your happiness.

I am actually so grateful for all these years of struggles and darkness. I am now able to see how this challenge has been an incredible gift.

Everyone is different; everyone has his or her own journey, but whatever you're facing, keep faith. Trust there is a better way than fighting against yourself day after day.

Trust your feelings, follow your heart, and never be afraid to ask for help because people have been there before and are able to show you the way out.

Ready to learn more about how to unlock the power of food to heal your body, prevent disease & achieve optimal health? Register now for our FREE web class with nutrition expert Kelly LeVeque.

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