I compromised my sanity for the sake of thinness for a very long time.
I was never not on a restrictive diet, unless I was off of one. And when I was off, I was really off — like knee-deep-in-a-pan-of-brownie-batter off.
My mind was cluttered with thoughts of food: What I wanted to eat, what I shouldn’t be eating, what raw-vegan-no-booze-no-sugar-no-fun-no-life cleanse I should try next. It always led to the shameful and guilt-ridden inevitability that I end up binging on baseball-shaped birthday cake in front of my 8-year-old nephew’s little league teammates. Just kidding, I was totally hiding in the bathroom. I've snuck food into a toilet stall more times than I care to admit.
All I wanted was to figure out how to be and stay thin. And it was driving me f-ing crazy.
One day, desperately out of sorts from my last diet-binge-self-loathing cycle, I finally gave up.
I thought to myself “this just isn’t worth it; I can’t do it anymore.” I abandoned myself to the possibility that I might blow up to 500 pounds by never dieting again, but I just didn’t see another way out. The “trying” to lose weight was making me more crazy and miserable than I could stand to bare.
And that’s when the miracle happened. When I chose sanity over thinness. That’s when my relationship with food finally fell into place. I started making healthy choices with food naturally, without forcing myself; the way animals do it in the wild. I stopped obsessing about food, and thus started eating less of it.
I didn’t need to eat a handful of M&Ms every 20 minutes to get me through my work day or “lose control” at dinner parties because I’d spent the earlier part of that evening sitting on my hands, trying not to eat. My weight fell to its natural “set-point” (and if you’re wondering if that’s 500 pounds, you can see my picture here).
Today, I help women develop their own sanity around food.
What would that look like for you? What would it mean? (Leave a comment below!)
When we strive for sanity rather than thinness, our weight takes care of itself. It’s the secret no one tells you on the covers of magazines. If you’re still trying to figure out what “sanity around food” even means, I highly recommend downloading my free guide, “How To Not Eat Chocolate Cake,” here. This will give you some insight into what eating like a “normal person” actually looks like.