How I Found Love By Getting Real With Myself
Last New Year's Eve, I declared that this year, I'd find my One: the man I'd choose to be my life partner. At the time, I had been searching for my One for two years with no success and had no good prospects.
Now, four months later, I am happy to announce that I am dating a wonderful man whom I deeply love and who could very well be my One. Stay tuned :)
So how did I get from there to here? Pull up a chair.
Whether you're looking to find the one love, career, house, or any other dream in your life, the path is the same.
Simply put, I found love by getting into integrity.
Integrity means that my actions, thoughts and beliefs align with my dream. Seems simple, but it's truly a complex concept, and one that I spend a lot of time helping my clients master...because it IS what gets results.
Let's unpack that integrity definition piece by piece.
1. My actions aligned with my dreams
This is what people typically mean when they say integrity: taking concrete steps to get closer to my dream. In my case, I started to take action to meet men. I went on two dates per week, attended one event per week, and asked the people I knew to set me up on blind dates. By taking actions that were in integrity with my dreams, I met a lot of men and figured out what I wanted in a partner.
2. My thoughts aligned with my dreams
We walk around in our daily lives listening to a never-ending stream of inner dialogue: That woman smells good. Her shoes are a bit showy, though. Why is this elevator so slow? What we don't realize is that our inner dialogue impacts the results we get.
For example, when I used to go on dates, my inner dialogue would focus on finding all of the things that were wrong with my date. His forehead was too big. His career wasn't inspiring enough. I'd leave the date with a list of the 25 things that were wrong with him and then wondered why he wouldn't call me back for a second date.
The truth is, regardless of if I said those criticisms or not, they were coloring the experience of the date. The key to having a great date, then, is to cultivate a mental space that is constructive. When I go on dates now, I find out what is great about my date and celebrate it. I make sure that we have fun.
3. My beliefs aligned with my dreams
Have you ever noticed that it's very hard to achieve something that you think is impossible? For example, I used to believe that I was destined to get bored with men after about the one-year mark in our relationship. So long as I had this belief, that is exactly what I found. I'd look at my boyfriend's quirks and say to myself Yes, that is cute now, but I am sure it will annoy the heck out of me in a year.
And sure enough, I'd get bored.
In order to be in integrity with my beliefs, I had to switch them. I had to believe that it's possible to love someone more with time, not less. I gathered examples of people who had done this, and saw that if they had done it, I could too. And somehow, by believing in love, I started to find men who I actually could see myself loving for the rest of my life.
I spent January and February getting into integrity. It wasn't easy. But I entered March on top of my game. There is a wonderful feeling you have when you are in full integrity; a radiance and glow of possibility, if you will. I knew my one was coming. I felt so certain of it, and that certainty came, in a manner of speaking, from my integrity.
And then in mid-March, my boyfriend Joe and I started dating.
What do you need to do to get into integrity with your dreams? Write me a note and share!