“I just wish I’d come to see her more,” she said. She was staring into my eyes, imploring me to offer her words of comfort as tears cascaded down her cheeks. I found this ironic, since I was the one who had just lost my mom. I was somewhat flummoxed that several people now actually seemed to need me offer them words of reprieve. And yet, I knew no other words, because my mom would have wanted me to say them. So I did.
“It’s ok,” I said. “Don’t feel badly. She wouldn’t want that. She would want you to be celebrating her life today, not slaying yourself with guilt. She would want you to be telling stories of her adventures and beauty and children and grandchildren. She wouldn’t want you here feeling poorly over anything. So please, go over and look at the picture collage. You’ve got to see the one from the 80s where she has a six pack of Bud in her hand and an ear-to-ear grin tossed over her shoulder. It’s classic. Remember her that way. Happy, healthy and full of laughter. That’s what she’d want today.”
My acquaintance then smiled and patted my hand, nodding.
“You’re a good girl. You’re just like her. Thank you. I feel much better now,” she said. And she moved toward the picture collage as I had suggested.
Please, don’t be too shy to show your love. If someone is ill and you want to see them, go. If you think you might be an imposition, call first. But more than likely, they'll want to see you too. That energy that’s urging you to action is based on something deep inside. It’s your connection to Source, and Source wants you to show your love without fear and without hesitation. The universe doesn't smile on hesitation.
At my studio, we’re doing a challenge. It’s a six-week series of work geared towards creating breakthroughs in your life. Each week has a different theme. This week, the theme is relationships. One of my students wrote me recently, explaining that he lost his wife to cancer a year ago. He told me how much he agreed with my sentiment that you should never hesitate to speak words of love. His wife passed quite soon after they found out she was ill. For the entirety of their marriage, which was more than than a decade, he'd professed his genuine love to her daily. He knew in his heart that she was well aware of how much he loved her when she passed. This brings him great comfort as he moves through his grieving process.
Based on what I've learned, I offer you this: Live your life so that you'll have no regrets. Honor the love you have in your heart every chance you get. Don’t hold back for any reason. You don’t want to be the person at the funeral wishing you’d behaved differently. You want to be the person who knows in their soul that your loved ones knew exactly how you felt about them. Yes, you spoke in beauty, in love and in truth.
I know that I'll never regret the sacrifices I made to be by my mother’s bedside in her final days. I left a well-paying corporate career, a hipster town and many friends so that I could be with my family in their time of need.
My work now is to continue to spread this mission:
1. Be love. Be of love, in love, for love and about love. Profess your love freely.
2. Do not slave to the myth of the separatist, competition, lack or fear.
3. Give of yourself freely without expectation and without need.
4. Trust the universe in its ultimate kindness.
5. Be happy. If something good happens, be happy. If something not so good happens, be happy. In the end, it will all be exactly as it should be.
6. When you have a disconnection with someone you love, act quickly to clear it up. Don't pause. The longer you wait, the more difficult it is to clean. Reach out from love. Apologize if you need to. Hold them in high esteem.
Create your life every day so that you'll have no regrets if this is your last day on earth. If you think this sounds morbid, I beg of you to rethink that standpoint. It’s not macabre; it’s wise. Love is the ultimate wisdom.
Photo Credit: Sheryl Braun of Soulshine Photography