Today I'm Not OK And That's OK
I woke up this morning and went to get out of bed, but the pain was so great I virtually couldn’t move.
“Are you OK?” asked my partner.
“Ummm, actually, no.”
There was a time when such a flare-up would have really impacted my emotional wellbeing. I'd be flung into a complete panic, picturing myself never moving again, terrified I'd neglect my children. I was too busy analyzing what could have caused the setback, resisting the situation, and worrying about how I'd cope.
This was absolutely the worst thing I could have done to my poor body. Heaping extra stress on already tense muscles merely exacerbated and prolonged the period of increased pain.
I'd berate myself for being a burden, blame my body for not being "normal," and withhold the extra love I needed to recover as quickly as possible.
Today, I am perfectly calm. The timing is terrible because I have so many family commitments, but flexibility is paramount for a harmonious life. Realizing that things happen beyond my control and it’s OK not be be OK was one of the biggest lessons for me, and one which took a huge amount of time.
Instead of listing all the negatives that will surround my flare-up I have focused only on the positives.
Today I am grateful for:
1. A partner who loves me unconditionally.
2. Children who won’t complain at a change of plans and will be happy with a day at home today.
3. To be able to do something I love (writing) without it affecting my pain levels.
4. To have money in my purse to be able to order dinner later if needed.
5. To sit in a warm, comfortable chair looking at the garden.
There is always, alway, always something to be thankful for. I realize now that having a bad episode doesn't make me a bad person. I can be as kind and as loving toward myself as I am toward others and know that whatever I am feeling is perfectly fine. So today I'm not OK, and you know what? That's OK.