The Best Way To Ignite Passion In Your Relationship

Written by Shelly Bullard, MFT

One of the keys to keeping romance alive is mastering the art of closeness and distance. It's a dance that's not easy to do, but is essential if you want to keep the love flowing.

When we are overly close, our relationships become routine and the love fizzles out. And when we're overly distant, we feel anxious and uncomfortable. The sweetest spot is being able to navigate BOTH closeness and distance. It's a dance. The way to successfully do this dance is by having passions that exist beyond our lovers.

People often think they have to share everything with their partners. They also think that if their partner isn't passionate about the same things, the relationship is doomed. I say the opposite is true.

Having your own passions in life makes for a little mystery, comfortable distance and awe in your relationship. Think about it: your personal passion is a part of you that your partner knows about, but doesn't fully understand — this makes you a little mysterious. And that's hot!

What's also hot is when you're able to be distant from your partner and still feel ok. If your only passion is your mate, then you're going to want to be around him or her all the time. After a while, this can start to feel a little clingy. It's not good for your relationship! But if you can be excited and exuberant about other things in your life, trust me, your partner is going to find that really attractive.

Let me give you an example from my own life. I'm in love with my partner. Typically when I'm with him, I feel that love for him in some capacity. But here's the thing: I'm also in love with my work. I feel incredibly passionate about writing, working with clients, and spreading the message of love.

My work lights me up in a similar way that my man does, which means I currently have two main squeezes (lucky me).

The fact that I'm deeply passionate about something outside my relationship makes for great chemistry between me and my guy. You see, I don't need him to be "on" all the time, because I have somewhere else to go to feel passion in my life. I'm perfectly happy saying goodbye to him to go express my love and creativity in another way.

Not only does this take the pressure off him and off our relationship (it's a nice buffer between us), but it also means that I get to be turned on a lot of the time (again, lucky me).

Unfortunately, many of us do the opposite — we use our relationships as a reprieve. Perhaps work isn't going so well, or we're bored in other areas of our lives. So we rely on our relationships to make us feel better. In the long run, this doesn't work out.

I'm not saying that we shouldn't lean on our partners during hard times, because we most definitely should. But if he or she is your only outlet to happiness, then not only does this put a ton of pressure on them (which never goes well), but it's also bound to be a bumpy ride for you.

Because your relationship can't feel passionately fulfilling 100% of the time.

The best way to keep passion flowing in your life is to have several things that you feel passionate about. It's not about prioritizing something above your relationship or vice versa; it's about having multiple priorities and moving gracefully between them.

Remember, the more you engage your soul and express what you love, the more you will come alive. And when you come alive, your relationship and your life have no other choice but to come alive, too.

I would love it if you took this opportunity to share your passion with the rest of us by leaving a comment below! What are you passionate about? What makes you come alive? How does being passionate benefit your relationship? 

I can't wait to hear from you!

Shelly Bullard, MFT
Shelly Bullard, MFT
Shelly Bullard, MFT, is a Marriage and Family Therapist, Love Coach and Spiritual Teacher. She's the...
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Shelly Bullard, MFT
Shelly Bullard, MFT
Shelly Bullard, MFT, is a Marriage and Family Therapist, Love Coach...
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