The 3 Biggest Mistakes People Make In Love

Marriage and Family Therapist By Shelly Bullard, MFT
Marriage and Family Therapist
Shelly Bullard, MFT, is a marriage and family therapist with a holistic and spiritual approach to relationships. She has worked with thousands of clients on improving their relationships with others and themselves.

My experience as a Love Coach has shown me that there are three big mistakes that many of us make in love. In this article I'm going to tell you what these mistakes are and give you some tips on how you can transform them to receive more love in your life.

Mistake #1: People don't understand how love works.

This first mistake is the biggest of all. If you fix this, I guarantee your love life will completely transform. If you don't understand what's happening in your relationships, how can you expect them to go well?

People spend way too much time and energy confused about love. They cycle through the same patterns over and over again, not having a clue as to what's going on. And we all know there are few things worse than spinning in perpetual confusion and doubt about love.

Guess what? You don't have to live there anymore! There are many people out there who have been through what you're going through (myself included). One of the cornerstones of love is that we are one; we're truly in this together. To me this means that we suffer very similar losses and we experience very similar joys. When it comes to love and relationships, we really aren't as different as it seems.

Learning from people who can relate to what you're going through is one of the secrets to knowing yourself on a deeper level. Find these people and let them show you the way.

Speaking from my personal experience, I've had many guides and teachers in love. Without them, there's no way I would have the found the clarity and joy in relationships that I experience today.

Knowledge is power. Do your heart a favor and get to know how it works. Your love life will thank you for it.

Mistake #2: People don't know that love lives in them. 

Once you start to gain clarity about how love works, you'll realize that love exists within you.

Many of us don't realize this. We insist on believing that love lives outside of us, either in people, places, or things. We think to ourselves, "Once I have that, then I'll feel love." We've got it all backwards.

Here's the deal: love is not out there. It's not somewhere else. It's in you. When you discover this, you'll have found the greatest truth and perhaps the greatest secret about love.

Contacting the source of love within you will completely change your experience in relationships. Because you'll understand that love is an inside-out process, not the other way around. It all starts with you.

If you sit back and wait for love to show up on your doorstep, then you're going to be waiting around for love for a long, long time. But if you're committed to finding love within yourself first, then you'll see that love can be anywhere you are. Knowing this is a complete game changer.

Commit yourself to loving from the inside out, and watch the love you feel in relationships completely transform.

Mistake #3: People don't know that giving love away makes it grow.

We collectively believe that whatever we give away, we lose. We tend to project this mentality on everything, including love. But love isn't ruled by the laws of finite resources.

Whatever love you genuinely give away (without the motive of getting it back), you'll automatically receive in return. This is a hard concept for us to grasp. Unfortunately, many of us live with the fear that if we freely love, we are set up to lose either ourselves or the other person.

This is a lie!

The truth is that anytime you close your heart off to love, you lose love. Anytime you protect yourself from love, you lose love. Anytime you withhold love, you lose love. Many of us self-sabotage our experience in love because of this false belief!

So here's a catch with this mistake: If you don't understand love first (mistake #1) and if you don't contact the source of love within you (mistake #2) then you're almost guaranteed to make this final mistake in relationships. Without knowing on a very deep level that you can never actually lose love, it's likely that you'll limit the amount of love you give away. Because limiting is what we do when we're scared; it's our way of controlling our environments. This mentality has to be shattered.

Learn the real truth: the more love you give away, the more you will receive in your life and your relationships. Please don't hide your love away.

So there you have it: the top three mistakes people make in love! Now that you understand these truths, I hope that you will do what it takes to change your experience in love. Because when you change, your love life has no other choice but to change too.

If we can all make an effort to understand love, find love within ourselves, and give love away, not only can we change the course of our own lives, but we can change the world as we know it. Let's all do our part to make our own existence, and the state of the world, a more loving place.

Shelly Bullard, MFT
Shelly Bullard, MFT
Shelly Bullard, MFT, is a marriage and family therapist with a holistic and spiritual approach to...
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Shelly Bullard, MFT
Shelly Bullard, MFT
Shelly Bullard, MFT, is a marriage and family therapist with a...
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