We’ve all been through it. The perfect mix of mystery and anticipation as we prepare for a brand new beginning. We place all of our future hopes and dreams into a tight little package known as the first date. Picking up the broken pieces of relationships past, we glue ourselves back together, dust ourselves off and jump in yet again, consumed with optimism and hope. But what happens when our hoped-for Mr. or Ms. Right turns into a horrible night?
The truth is, the path to finding love is paved with many evenings drenched in awkward exchanges, unfulfilled expectations, and sloppy kisses. These are the experiences that make up the single person's love life.
After suffering through years of bad dates, I consciously chose to stop the madness! On a mission to attract high-quality relationships, I took a year off from romantic dating. This self-experiment has given me tremendous clarity into what I really need from a partner, and, more importantly, what I don't need or want.
I took an inventory of my past relationships and recognized that almost all of them were complete disasters. I was the girl who saw a giant red flag and instead of running, I optimistically sugarcoated it and pretended it wasn't so bad. I focused directly on the aspects of the man that had the most potential. That meant I was always in a fake relationship, one that was often tainted with emotional abuse, turmoil and self-sabotage. I was never in love with the person, but rather with the idea of being in love with the person's potential.
Luckily for me, my year of celibacy has given me a new perspective on dating and what to never settle for again.
You may be asking yourself if your new squeeze is “the one.” Or maybe you're single and wondering when you'll find your perfect mate. In your passion-filled quest to find lasting love, avoid these types of people. They hardly ever turn into real love, and they are the type of people who will weigh you down.
Mister/Miss Social Vampire
Social vampires suck the energy out of you when you hang out with them. They are the type of people who have a negative energy around them. You can tell this by the way you feel after you leave their presence. When you're with them, are you spending all your time trying to cheer them up, or to make them feel better? Social vampires feed off helpful and kind people. They want you to feel bad for them so they can keep the attention on themselves.
After you leave a date, do you feel exhausted, empty, or even numb? That’s a key symptom that you’re involved with a social vampire. Whether the social vampire in your life is a friend, family member or a romantic interest, it is best to leave them to their own darkness. Just send them love and light and carry on.
Mister/Miss Emotionally Unavailable
Relationships where one or both people are emotionally unavailable can be very depressing, stressful, and are often filled with anxiety. Inevitably, you end up feeling neglected, unwanted, and unloved. If you give more than you receive, if your partners don’t show up for you, if they're poor communicators (Mr. I am going to "text" you, but can't bother to ever call.), or if they're full of excuses and indecisiveness, they won't be your happily ever after. You can't save them, or make them see how great you are. When they give you mixed signals, it's a sign they're not willing or ready to commit. It's best if you move along to someone who can see your awesome self.
Mister/Miss “I'm Not Over My Ex”
You may be dating a closet "I'm not over my ex" person. They may tell you they are, that there's no drama, and that things ended amicably. When the name of their ex comes up, or when they see them in person, does their body language change? Do they become tense, or even worse, do they become angry and shout horrible things about that person?
It's best to break it off with this type of person and allow them to heal their emotional wounds. Also, take the opportunity to look at your own history and see if you're carrying any resentment toward past lovers so you can avoid this trap in your future relationships. Forgive yourself and the other person.
Mister/Miss Blame Game
Almost everyone has met someone who constantly says,"It is not my fault,” or “How could this happen to me?" For these people, life sucks and it just keeps sucking more. They feed off of your high energy. They'll look to you not to show them that it's going to be ok, but to prove their worldview is right. Bad things will keep happening and nothing is ever their fault. EVER.
Run away. This person is no good for you. You deserve to be with someone who is accountable, and someone who can take responsibility for his actions.
Your future self will thank you.
What do you think? Have you dated these types before? Do you agree or disagree? Leave your comments below.