Your Inner, Dark Femininity: Power Or Poison?
We’ve likely never met before, but I’m hoping I can trust you with something that's pretty darn personal (and incredibly vulnerable) for me to share.
Big breath. Slight shiver.
It's said that we teach what we most need (or needed) ?to learn. I can (humbly!) say that I'm no exception to this. Two years ago, not long after my partner, Keith, and I started dating, ?I was at his house on a Saturday night. I was having ?intense PMS due to the stress that came with ?preparing for my book launch. I felt incredibly sensitive. My Dark Femininity was flowing strongly through me, as she does in all of us at certain times each month.
She was intense and unapologetic. Fiery and demanding. Angry and unreasonable. Lashing out, then turning back around and slapping me with criticism for doing so.
She was completely overpowering my normal sense of "me."
Here's what happened.
I decided I wanted to go to bed (to sedate and soothe her with a good night's sleep before she did any harm to me or anyone else!), and I told Keith that if he wanted to go out with his friends, that was fine with me. He told me, "No, I'll stay in with you tonight, love."
An hour later he came into the bedroom, kissed me tenderly, and let me know he decided that he was going to go out.
Then he said something like, "Can I get you anything before I go, sweetie?"
I felt my blood boil. She — my Dark Femininity — was furious. What?! You're going out? I didn't think you actually would! I just offered that to be nice! If I had known you were going to go out, I would have just stayed at my own house!
I got out of his bed, eyes ablaze, dressing hastily.
"I'm going home," I declared.
"What?" He was genuinely confused. "Why?"
"Never mind," I said, through clenched teeth, my inner wise woman attempting to do damage control, in vain.
But it was too late. The dark, wild woman within had taken over. I gathered my things and stormed out the door. He followed me, trying to figure out what had gone wrong.
As is typical of most men, he was focusing on what I had said. "I don't understand," I remember him saying, "You told me to go out if I wanted! Now I've gone ahead and made plans with my friends. Why are you upset?"
He was right, of course, but my Dark Femininity had no interest in male rationality. She was raging. But, most of all, that rage was fiercely protecting a hurt and wounded little girl deep inside who was terrified of being abandoned. She was terrified. She no longer felt safe, loved, wanted.
I was crying. He and I were arguing. I could feel his wariness of my emotional intensity, feel even a touch of fear from him. This man is a kung fu master and can kick through walls — he's afraid of me?
My Dark Femininity was enraged. His body language grew defensive, his tone hardened, and his heart closed off.
This just made my inner little girl more hysterical. It made her more intense.
It didn't end well that night. I went home, as upset as I'd been in months. He went out, angry, confused, and wary of me.
It turns out I had some (more) big lessons to learn about my cycles.
Over the previous decade I'd learned to structure my life around my feminine cycles, and I had even written a book about them! (It had not yet been released.)
But the learning wasn't over. It is, of course, never over for those of us with ears to listen.
Each month my cycle delivers teachings about the dark sides of my womanhood, and how to heal and harness them to create the life I most want to live. Learning how to listen to, love, and integrate this fierce medicine of our inner, dark femininity is one of the most powerful gifts we have as women.
That night woke me up to this truth in a deeper way. It initiated me into an intimate dance with Dark Femininity.
My relationship with Dark Femininity has opened me to deeper and deeper layers of shadow and wounding within me that needed to be felt and healed. Unseen and unhealed, they sometimes sabotaged my life and my relationships. Seen and held, they empowered and informed, protected and mentored.
This dance with my darkness was the next step in my feminine soul's journey. It may be the next step on yours, too, no matter your season of life.
When we don't communicate and create with our inner Dark Femininity each and every month, she stays compressed. She seeps out in destructive ways...
Maybe through blaming or shaming our partners... being overly controlling or perfectionistic... lashing out at our kids or employees... hurting ourselves... overeating... under-eating... overexercising... under-exercising... over-sexing... under-sexing...spacing out in front of the TV or computer...
Are you ready for your own soul journey into the dark and wounded part of yourself, so that it may come alive?
Are you ready for the darkness to serve instead of sabotage?
Inside you is the child created by the sacred and turbulent marriage of your Dark Femininity and your Wise Woman.
This is the very spirited inner girl that wants and needs to be brought into our world!
If you would like support of expert teachers, rare resources, and a community of sisters, while facing your inner Dark Femininity, please join me for Reversing Our "Curse," an online immersion that begins on April 1.
Are you and your partner looking to get healthier, together? Register now for our FREE Functional Nutrition Webinar with Kelly LeVeque.