As a licensed behavioral counselor, I often talk with people who are searching for a partner — one who is loyal, smart, attractive, funny, confident, successful. And the list goes on and on. As they search for this partner, I ask them what they're doing to make themselves more attractive to someone with so many positive qualities. They often can’t answer that question.
After exploring the question, they begin to discover that they attract those like themselves. So, if they lack confidence, good humor, a feeling of attractiveness, and success, then they tend to attract people with similar qualities. Let’s talk about what you can do to attract someone you want in your life who brings out the best in you.
Be the person you want to attract.
If you want someone successful, what steps are you taking to be successful? We all define success differently. Success is a continuum, a journey. My point here is that if you want to attract someone who you define as successful, you need to develop your own ideas of what success means to you and what that looks like, then take action to continue your journey.
If you want someone who is confident, what are you doing in your life to feel confident about yourself? Making healthy decisions in your life and achieving realistic goals along the way contribute to increasing your level of confidence and happiness. When you exude confidence and happiness, you're naturally going to attract someone who is also confident and happy.
If you want someone who is physically fit and attractive, what are you doing to make yourself fit and attractive to yourself and others? Are you eating healthy foods? Are you creating a work/play balance so you can exercise at least five days a week? Not only do exercising and consuming healthy foods improve mood, confidence, and positive energy, they also give you an opportunity to meet others who have similar interests. If you join meetup groups that are connected with healthy cooking or healthy foods and fitness, you're more likely to find others who can connect with you. This leads to the next idea:
Surround yourself with an environment that attracts the person you want.
If you want to attract a person with a certain interest, where are you spending your time? A good indication of what your values are is where you spend most of your time and money. Are you always at the movies or fast food restaurants? Bars? Or, are you spending time at fitness centers, healthy grocery stores, parks with hiking and biking trails, or book clubs? Think about who is attracted to each environment and evaluate if you want to be part of that.
There is a lot of value in positive thinking. Not only is it an attractive feature to have, it also helps create positive energy around you, attracting positive people and positive outcomes. Think about how you feel (physically and mentally) when you are negative, whether it’s talking about someone in a negative way or being pessimistic. When you change the way you think, you create a whole new outlook on life. Your thoughts become your experiences. It takes practice and a lot of awareness, but thinking in a positive way attracts others in your life who are also attracted to positive thoughts and feelings. When people are positive, they are typically happier and more confident in their life choices. Thinking positive also reduces stress and depression. Reciting positive affirmations daily to yourself is an effective way to develop/enhance self love and positive thoughts throughout the day, and a wonderful reminder of how worthy and divine you are now.
Allow yourself to be open and free of limits.
When you limit yourself and your experiences, you are also limiting potential new people into your life. When you continue to grow and enhance your physical, emotional, and spiritual health, you create a more positive experience for yourself. When you feel better about yourself and your confidence blossoms and new experiences come into your life, you're in a much better place to attract other healthy people. Focus on yourself and not on trying to find the "perfect partner," and it will just happen. Let down those barriers and limited thoughts that may be hindering your growth and push yourself past your comfort zone for improving yourself.
Relax, enjoy the present moments in your life, and continue enhancing your journey to a more fulfilling life.