Do you ever feel like running away from it all? As in: not being present? As in: escaping your life? As in: feeling like if you moved away life would be somehow better?
For a long time, it was not just a a metaphor for me. I literally ran and ran and ran. I was an exercise-aholic. Instead of facing anything in my life, I simply ran.
When I was 18 and I got a call that my step-father Carl had died in his sleep, I simply hung up the phone, laced up my sneaks, and ran for two hours around Cooper River in New Jersey. It was an old habit of mine, this not wanting to feel anything.
I'm sure it was the same impetus that drove me to get skinnier and skinnier. The less I weighed, the less I felt. Bla bla. You've heard all of these things before if you have ever known someone with an eating disorder.
I eventually got tired of running.